First James Brown, Now This

RIP, President Ford.

(Fortunately, Tom Brokaw was wrong.)

Quote

"D'you know why I had car wash people put cocoa butter smell in there?! Because I want prostitutes to feel welcome! I don't want them to feel like it's a death trap." -C. Brutananadilewski

On Football: An Early Prediction

While the Dolphins have not yet been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs, the realist in me has conceded yet another year of playoff-less football for the men in aqua and orange. Therefore, I am actively pulling for what would probably be the most fun to watch Super Bowl: the San Diego Chargers vs. the New Orleans Saints. I'm convinced that the kind of football that hooks you as a kid will always influence what you consider "good" vs. "bad" football, even if those definitions don't usually fit with the consensus opinion. Naturally, as a Dolphins fan hooked by a prolific, Dan Marino-led offense, shootouts will always entertain me. Thus: Chargers/Saints. Of course, I've come to appreciate defense as well, which is why the Colts are not part of this equation.

Anyway, the storylines once again would write themselves. A Saints appearance would be the happy ending (not in any sort of realistic sense, mind you, just in the "storytelling" sense) for New Orleans, while their quarterback would be facing the team that cut him after he put up the best (before this season) stats of his career. Meanwhile, Marty "We Are All" Schottenheimer would finally get a chance to get that Super Bowl ring that would cement his status as one of the games all time best. Ladainian Tomlinson would get a chance to cap off the best rushing performance I've seen in my lifetime and possibly one of the best ever. And on the other sideline would be Reggie Bush, on a tremendous tear of late, looking to break out on the biggest stage on which he's ever performed. (That sound you hear is Deuce McAllister storming off in disgust.) Throw in some ink on Marques Colston going from almost-Mr. Irrelevant to possible Super Bowl MVP candidate and the writers can take the entire two weeks off before the Super Bowl.

Final prediction: the Saints win a high-scoring back and forth game, 38-35.

Next Item Up For Bid...

Merry Xxxmas, game nerds.

When I Can, I Will

Substance. It's something that this space has been lacking. It's not for a dearth of things to talk about; nor is it (entirely) due to a lack of time. The largest factor at play here is focus. I've been a bit scatterbrained as a result of sinister cocktail made from introspection, future-thinking, life changes, workload, music addiction, and video game-induced torpor (thankyouverymuch Guitar Hero 2). Oh, and chronic onanism. Always with the onanism.

As stated previously (I think), my mother and youngest sister moved down to North Carolina. Well, by the end of next week, my other sister and her family (husband and kids) will be down there as well. So the only family left in the area will be Big Lou. And while that's still great, I will certainly miss being able to see my family, especially the children, whenever I want.

Quoi d'autre...Erica and her mother came down to visit at the end of October. That was nice. Her mother really is so incredibly sweet and caring. She sends down food for me everytime Erica comes to visit, and has even started calling me! Hell, my own mother doesn't even do that. (I keed!)

Speaking of Erica, she and I just celebrated one year together. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that. Anyway...good times. And, to tie it all together, I'll be spending Thanksgiving with her and her family. This will mark the very first time this holiday has been spent with people outside of my family.

Movies: Saw Borat (with Erica and some friends) and For Your Consideration (with Los O's). Both were funny and worth your money, not that I really need to make a case for either. I think I've seen, um, three movies now this year. Four? Maybe even five. Jaysus!

Music: Too much to list, and mostly metal (including purchasing a handful of landmarks of the genre that were missing from my collection), so none of yous will probably care, anyway. I still can't speak highly enough of that Melvins album.

Books: About to start--honest!--Fermat's Enigma. Because every now and then, the math nerd in me creeps out.

Games: Guitar Hero 2 Guitar Hero 2 Guitar Hero 2 Guitar Hero 2 Guitar Hero 2. (Oh, and some Lego Star Wars 2 and a little bit of Mercenaries.)

And that's been it, more or less. I'm sure my sleepy brain is forgetting something, but I don't know what it is. So this will have to do.

Happy Thanksgiving to the lot of ya. Hope to see you all soon. Be safe.

When In Doubt, Turn To Sports

Feh.

I'm not sure what's worse: the quality of the teams for which I am eternally cheering, or the fact that I can't stop myself. This has not been a good fall for sports. Sure, the A's made the playoffs again, and even got out of the first round. But then they got swept like they were the Kansas City Royals (next year's champs, by the by) and all the good feelings are gone. I can't even bring myself to root for/against/for/idon'tknowanymore Tony LaRussa.

In college football, I've got the best and worst of times. Ohio State is still #1 in the country, but the Miami Hurricanes are looking more thugged out and embarassing than ever. It was bad enough the team wasn't very good to start, now they've got yet another black eye on the reputation, such as it was. I mean, save that shit for when you turn pro, kids! At least that way, you can afford good lawyers. Just ask Ray Lewis.

On the pro side...oy. I can't even bring myself to talk about the pathetic situation that is year two of the Saban-era Dolphins. And yet--AND YET--there's a too-vocal-for-it's-own-good part of me that is thinking they can run the table after the bye week. (Shut up. Just shut up! Yes, I looked at the schedule.) Better yet, I'm picturing it with them totally adopting a gunslinger mentality with Cleo Lemon at quarterback, chucking it downfield to Chambers, Vick, and Welker. At least my insane imaginings are comical and not based in any sort of reality.

The only way I can imagine enjoying sports this fall, beyond the Buckeyes pounding the Wolverines, is if the Atlanta Hawks get off to a hot start. (SHUT UP!) I know. It's like playing Russian roulette with a loaded gun. I'm just asking for it. Well, I don't give a good god damn. Marvin and Shelden Williams to glory!

I. Suck.

On the plus side, with nothing interesting going on in sports (Cram your hockey! Cram it!), I have been able to use my what little down time I have from work to slog through the media bottleneck in my apartment. Music, books, games and movies have been go. Which reminds me: go pick up the new Melvins disc. Now. Seriously. It's called A Senile Animal and is worth the money. Don't you like to rock? Don'tcha?! Freedom hater.

Holidays Are Hell



...that 're so feckin' tight, his hairy sac brushes off my elbow with the slightest bit of turbulence.

Gridiron Funny
for The Drizzle



Wait for a sign from Gozer the Traveller; he will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldronaii, the Traveller came as a large and moving Torb. Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the Meketrex Supplicants, they chose a new form for him -- that of a Giant Sloar! Many Shubs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Sloar that day I can tell you!

Leyland!
Yankees lose. Sports schadenfreude through the roof. It's nearly as satisfying as seeing Duke lose.

I'm taking Oakland in 6. Go A's! Please Hurt, Hammer 'Em! (That bit was completely stolen from Jeff Chang's blog.)

The King Should Stick To Football

Finally, Sneak King takes the stealth action genre and puts it to a friendlier use than usual. Instead of tiptoeing behind enemy guards to silently snap their necks, players will sneak up on hungry people to surprise them with offerings of Burger King food. Gamers will have to sneak up on people in a logging yard, a construction site, downtown, and the suburbs, and they will be graded on their performance "based on how elaborate the delivery is executed."

***

Classic:

-Road trip to Wilmington, NC with the Drizzle. That place is awesome. And the weather was perfect. So much to say about this weekend, but I just don't have the energy.
-Nephew (the first, #61 pictured below) playing football, niece cheering him on. Regardez les photos!





-Mother and sister have successfully moved to Raleigh. It was sad, but definitely the best thing for them to do.
-Have new furniture in the apartment, so it finally feels like more than a place to just sleep between my time at work.
-Related: recliner!
-The A's are up 2-0 in the opening series of the ALDS. I'm genuinely shocked, as I expected them to be swept out. Hopefully they can keep this up.
-Turned 32. Life rocks. (Special shout out to MC for the good bday words.)

Dud

-Teh sickness. Have a doc appointment for this coming Monday. It can't get here soon enough.
-Both my fantasy and favorite football teams are in the shitter. I can't believe I bought the hype with Daunte Culpepper. Jo-ey! Jo-ey!
-Work has been f'n killer this week. And it's only Wednesday.

That is all. Details when when/if I feel like it. Hope all you people are doing a'ight.

Now I'm Nimoy: NIN + Spock = Nerd Gold. (via Paper Thin Walls)

Even More Pop Culture Detritus

Stop hatin! (Hilarity found via Paper Thin Walls.

These Aren't The Droids You're Looking For

Are You Ready To Rock?

The list of confirmed songs for Guitar Hero 2 has expanded. I suppose the inclusion of "Free Bird" was inevitable. The Lamb of God track is a nice surprise.

With this, Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy, God of War 2*, Yakuza (out tomorrow), and Final Fantasy XII out this fall (as well as releases of game adaptations of Reservoir Dogs and Scarface), the probable release of two more next-gen consoles (Nintendo's Wii and Sony's PS3), and the latest controversial title from the Rockstar Games (Bully), it should be an interesting fall for game nerds all over the country.

*Turns out GoW2 isn't due out until Q1 2007. Nuts.

UCW! UCW!

There's so much gold here. "Passion piledrivers." (Also a mixed drink: 1/3 passion fruit juice, 1/3 prune juice, 1/3 vodka.) Guys being dragged to hell. It also raises some questions. For instance, would a "Holy shit!" chant be acceptable after a major spot? If they have were to have a death match, like a Taipei Death Match or an Anus Explosion Death Match, could there really be a loser? And really, even if they have extreme matches, don't they kind of pale in comparison to some biblical events? How impressive is a powerbomb through a light tube log cabin when compared to the raising Lazarus from the dead? Sure, "Sick" Nick Mondo can take a weed whacker to the gut, but let's see him rain fire and brimstone down on a couple of cities.

Crikey, Indeed

RIP, Crocodile Hunter

Would You Like To Play A Game?

Possible '08 Presidential hopeful Mark Warner gets his game on. Rumors that he will also make an appearance in World of Warcraft as a gnome mage named "Warnus" are completely unsubstantiated. (via Game Politics)

I Wish I Had Found Out About This Earlier



I swear, if I were a woman, this would be my wedding gown. (Found here.)

'Ello guv'ner! Lube job while you wait?

The story doesn't say if wrestling is involved at any point. I like the logo and the obvious attempts at making teh sexy. I've seen this sort of thing before, though. Well, it wasn't a quick lube service, but there were women and funnels involved.

Mentok!
aka, more from the Filipino judiciary.

"Floro was also understood to have claimed supernatural abilities, the ability to read the future and held 'healing sessions' in his chambers."

I've tried the "healing sessions" trick. It's a Filipino mainstay.

TOUR RIDER!
(subject is best imagined being bellowed by Henry Rollins)

This summer's musical darlings, Gnarls Barkley (you might have heard their hit single, "Hey Ya! 2006"), have one helluva tour rider. What's more hilarious: requesting Magnum condoms or white athletic socks?

Macaca!

Or, The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again.

Dali!

That is some surreal chocolate.

Mental Clearinghouse

I am really not very good at this blogging thing. Once I turned the corner on trying to make this space as devoid of personal bric-a-brac as possible, it has been hard to go back and write about my life, even if it is relatively drama-free. Things happen, but I don't reflect upon them enough (or they are not of enough consequence) to write anything particularly insightful about the events. The passage of time only makes it more difficult, as short-term memory seems to be permanently unreliable and my powers of recall are eroded by lack of sleep and worldly distractions.

Plus, I am powerfully lazy.

In spite of that, I still feel compelled to keep up with things here, even if I have to use bullet-points. So, without further rambling, here are some things that are happening/have happened.

-My nephew will be playing football this fall. His position has not been decided yet, but my guess is defensive back. After all, my mother says he is a bit hesitant to tackle the other kids. Obviously, he is the next Deion Sanders. (I am a bit surprised he does not like to belt kids. He is a complete rough-houser any other time.)

-My niece is going to be a cheerleader for his team. It's nice to see siblings share activities like that.

-Due to my helping a loved one with some serious scrilla, I had to put my workstation purchase on hold for a few months. I have now been re-payed, so let the comparison shopping begin anew. Who doesn't like a good Xeon vs. Opteron debate? With any luck, I will be a bit of a recluse this fall. Seriously, that will be a good thing.

-Have had some quality adventuring with The Drizzle lately. As a result, Chambersburg is now the preferred destination for Hoss's road trips. Delicious!

-Went to two Nats games last week. One with Jamy and one with my father and cousin. My cousin is visiting from England, and was completely unfamiliar with the rules of baseball. My father and I wound up giving him a crash course in the first few innings. By the end, he was on his feet and cheering with the rest of the crowd. He is officially a Nats fan. It was fun to see someone who has not been completely jaded by the sport get caught up in it. His enthusiasm was refreshing. Too bad he's aligning himself with a team that is totally butt. He might as well be a Mariners fan.

-I look good in a suit. Seriously. I found this out when I purchased "My Very First Suit" to attend the wedding of one of Erica's cousins. Almost makes me wish I had bought suits before. Almost.

That's really about it. The events about which I previously said I'd write are all too far in the past (a whole month!) for me to remember. Therefore, a swift synopsis: 4th of July was both fun and infuriating; the going away party for a co-worker was the drunkest evening I've ever had at work (sad that there are other nights in contention); and the World Cup final sucked, but I had a good buffet breakfast to offset my disappointment with the match. Oh, and my first trip to New York City was awesome, and I will certainly be going again, hopefully sooner than later.

I'm sure this was funny, like, minutes ago. So what if I'm late. I'm still laughing.

The Theater!



This has been amusing me all day.

"Just a man, a piano, and ten inches of thunder."

Maybe It's The Heat

...but I'm really wishing we had one of these in the area.

Comedy in the District

Funnier than the Capitol Steps.

It Doesn't Make Sense

He's so beautiful. How could she?

On Flavored Dental Dams

"They're like a combination of Fruit Roll-Ups and a Slip N Slide." -my co-worker.

See Wha' Ha' Happened Was...
aka Family Matters

My aunt gets a stern talking to.

Wait For It...Wait For It

Work has been, um, ass. Just the hours, not the work. It has not approached the enraging atmosphere of last fall, though the circumstances are nearly identical. It's just...worky. The kind of busy-ness that makes my pudding brain come up with words like "worky."

So, blogging is on the backburner for a while, even though I still have to recap the quickly-fading-from-my-pudding-brain-memory 4th of July, hot World Cup and buffet action with CO and The Drizzle, a pretty hard drunkening at work (tequila!), and my trip to NYC.

In the meantime, reason #217 for me to move to Tokyo: Sanrio Puroland!

Oh Dear

All Your Snakes Are Belong To Us

Already, the genius of Snakes On A (Motherfuckin') Plane bears fruit.

Mmmm...Delicious Efficiency

Or it laziness? Aren't we even industrious enough in our search for quality entries into our masturbatory rolodexes?

Religious Humor?

Well, not exactly. But, one of my co-workers and I have been amusing ourselves by making comparisons/similes that end with "a nun's box."

For example:

"This new car is as roomy as a nun's box."
"Ben Wallace's afro is as nappy as a nun's box."
"Your toddler bites harder than a nun's box."

And etc. Yeah, we're children. No, it's not sophisticated. No, it's not always funny. But since when have I ever been known any of that high-minded stuff? Besides, my lunch and the temperature in this office has me stuffed and hotter than a nun's box. I gotta keep myself awake somehow.

Yeah, but are they any good in a boxing ring?

Killer Kangaroos!

***

In other news, I'll be going to NYC on Friday for work. This is, believe it or not, my first visit. I'm going to have to plan some things to do, besides burning Williamsburg to the ground. (That was for you, CLJO.)

Dude, Remember When You Got Your First 2600?

I've come across a couple of sites lately that have made it into my rotation of regular reads: Water Cooler Games and Game Politics. I read these not just because I'm a giant nerd (true), but also as a means to keeping up with the issues in an industry (for those who don't already know) into which I'm still hoping to gain access, sooner than later, with any luck. Fortunately, because our government loves to legislate just about anything, these sites have been keeping quite busy covering the outbreak of "violent video games" bills in our country. With the release of the Columbine diaries, and the prominent mention of Doom and Duke Nuke 'Em (both in the diaries and the articles reporting on them), I'm sure some of these same lawmakers will be even more vocal now.

It's fascinating to me to think how far we've come from the days of George Plimpton pimping for Intellivision to games being used as campaign tools or game simulations of trying to survive as a farmer in the third world. ("A simulation to make you think.")

***

More later on this past 4th of July weekend, which featured Erica coming down for the festivities. Fun! Chaos!

I Guess It Really Ain't Easy

Pimpin', that is.

Currently, the IRS has to prove a prostitute's or pimp's income to pursue a tax law violation. But under Grassley's proposal, a pimp could get up to 10 years in prison for each prostitute for whom the pimp hasn't filed a W-2, which means a pimp caught with 10 unregistered prostitutes faces a century in prison.

Somebody better let Archbishop Don "Magic" Juan know about this.

All That Was Missing Was The Bay City Rollers

The place to be this past Saturday, in case you didn't know, was at Casa de Los Os. It had all the makings of a successful party (good people, good music, a variety of alcohols including lime rickeys) and some not so much (that fat guy shotgunning whipped cream, then spitting it all over your couch when he does a meager little cough/choke thing). Fortunately, the hosts were forgiving and I was allowed to stay and be part of the post-party run to IHOP. Yes, chicken-fried steak IS exactly what I was looking for.

It was a most excellent time, as it always is when Los Os, The Drizzle, and Jamy is involved. The rest of my weekend was rather uninspiring, consisting of household upkeep, gaming, and getting addicted to a new chinese food dish. ("Salt Pepper Shrimp"!)

And now I'm back to work, where even more people are leaving (not in my department, thank god). This place is starting to feel like a sinking ship. I wonder if that's why there's been such a problem with mice recently.

Just Do Your F**king Job!

It amazes me that some people will waste so much energy and time arguing their point just so they can be lazier.

I swear, some of my co-workers are the suckiest bunch of sucks who ever sucked.

I'm Not Even Supposed To Be Here Today
(Not true, but that captures the exasperation.)

1. A co-worker quit on the spot today. But not before she got pissy at me due to what her paranoid mind thought was laughter at her. (In truth, it had nothing to do with her.) She was, however, nice on her way out the door.

2. The office was overrun with mosquitoes because some nimrod in our engineering department decided to leave a bucket in the ceiling to collect water. The bucket--and a chunk of the ceiling--eventually crashed to the floor.

3. I had a toner mishap, leading to a good section of my light-colored shirt turning black. But I MacGuyvered that shit out of existence. I'm a stain-removing ninja!

4. A co-worker brought me shit at the end of the day, causing me to be at work another hour. I let her know that I won't put up with that nonsense, though. She was quite defensive and tried to pass the buck. Nice.

On the plus side, I was able to get two hard shrieks of laughter from one of my co-workers today, the last one when I referred to her as my "Sapphic Overlord."

Shut up! It made me laugh: Unf!

A new series coming to Adult Swim combining two of my loves: heavy metal and cartoons. It's called Death Clock Metalocalypse (or Dethklok or just Metalocalypse) and comes from the minds of Brendon Small (Home Movies) and Tommy Blacha (TV Funhouse, Late Night with Conan O'Brien).

I'll give it a shot.

What happens when you're the laziest blogger in the world? Not much, because that laziness usually extends itself into other aspects of my life. But for the readers, the daily nothing of which posts on this blog consist, it's even worse. How on earth will those proud few ever get updates on my hilarious exploits, such as "What I ate for dinner last night?" and "What do I really think about the state of my life AT THIS VERY MOMENT?" It's enough to kill you a little, on the inside.

So, to help you'ns out, I'm going to put up something resembling a recollection of the week I took off before Memorial Day. It was heap good time, paleface.

Saturday--May 20th, for those without a calendar, or who did not read the above paragraph that set the time frame--I took the always reliable Amtrak up to Pennsylvania to see Erica. It was a pretty ho-hum trip, with the exception of the cruel taunts from The Drizzle, who was enjoying Mai Tais at the Tiki Bar. I got in around 10pm, which was a "mere" thirty minutes late. The timing turned out to be perfect, though, as Erica and her mother were running late. We got a quick bite to eat and then it was time to get to the house and call it an evening.

Well...that didn't take long. Already, I'm trying to rack my brain with the exact sequence of events for the next few days of my stay. It's impossible. My brain is fooked. Right...to the highlights:

Made the rounds to meet the rest of Erica's family. All of that went very well, even better than I expected. I'm always nervous before meeting the friends and family of significant others, which I suppose is a natural reaction. I'd still rather not have to deal with it, but, since I only trust alcohol to take the edge off, there was not going to be any way to calm myself. Of course, it turned out that social lubrication would have been unnecessary, anyway. As far as I can tell, they like me bunches. I rock.

Played lots of cards, with poker being the usual suspect. Fortunately (for me), we only played for money once. Otherwise, I would have been hurting.

Took Erica and her mother out for an awesome, belated birthday dinner at Alfano's at The Quail. Unlikely as it may be, if you are ever in Washington, Pennsylvania, I highly recommend this place.

Unfortunately, I was not able to make it back to Eide's for another music binge. Nor did I get to check out any of the stores that I missed during my previous visit. Oh well. This will give me something to shoot for the next time I'm up there.

On Wednesday (the 24th), Erica and I both woke up at the crack o' dawn in order to catch an Amtrak back to D.C. And miracle of miracles, it wasn't *that* late! For those unfamiliar with my past trips back to D.C. from PA, Amtrak usually delivers me--on average--six hours late. It is, needless to say, infuriating. On the return trip, it was only about thirty to forty-five minutes behind schedule.

Even though we were back to my spot by early afternoon, Wednesday was mostly shot because we only got a couple of hours of sleep the night before and the sleep on the train really didn't make up for it. Thursday evening, Erica and I, after a day full of nothing, met up with Los O's--Erica's first interaction with any of my friends--for dinner and drinks in Adams Morgan. Dinner was at Meze, which was excellent, especially since the weather was nice enough to sit outdoors. From there, we had a couple of drinks at Tom Tom, then called it a night.

Friday we did...I don't honestly remember. I know we slept in waaaay too late, which killed our day and plans to do touristy things. I'll have to check with Erica, but that whole day may have been a bust.

Saturday, Erica and I went to Bethesda so she could buy some bread from Spring Mill to take home with her. After lunch, we went out to White Flint to check out some furniture that I am considering buying. That evening, she and I went to the Black Cat to booze up with The Drizzle. Eventually, a couple of my co-workers showed up to join in the fun, including PB (who may have been mentioned previously, quite possibly under the now defunct initials of "AF"), who referred to Erica as "the competition" upon introductions. Drunk talk! Fortunately, all was good, so much so that when the following exchange took place at Yum's, there was no fallout from it:

Erica (looking at my face): Whose lipstick is that?
Me (caught off guard): Uhhh...yours?
Erica: No, it's not!
Me (confessing): Oh yeah. That's from PB. She kissed me on the cheek when I helped her with the ATM. (100% true!)

Sadly, Sunday came and Erica had to leave. It sucked, even more than usual, because that was the longest stretch of time we've spent together since we started dating. I won't get to see her again until she comes down at the end of this month.

And that was how I spent my summer vacation. No wait...

Since then, nothing much has been going on, except the birth of my nephew. It's been mostly work, with some play thrown into the mix for good measure, including an evening spent at the Crystal City Sports Pub this past Friday, which was a lot of fun.

Today has been a boss-less, semi work-less day. To laziness!

Henry Rollins loves Ann Coulter.

In other news, who knew that the offspring of Sandy Duncan and William H. Macy would be so bosom-y? Color me impressed.

Starting The Week Off

I just heard that a co-worker of mine was confused by A Prairie Home Companion because she thought it was going to be a romantic comedy. She also had this nugget o' funny: "If you like country music, you'll probably like this movie."

I swear, it's truly like people are throwing ducks at balloons and nothing is what it seems.

(And yes, there's actually a reasonable explanation--beyond wild stupidity--for the confusion, but it's funnier without it.)

Finally, some children's programming I can get into. I mean, monkeys, monsters, and Biz Markie. Where's the downside?

#3

Allow me to introduce you to my nephew, John Ellis:


(Not shown: the horns and tail. Thank you, Photoshop.)*

Seven pounds, fourteen ounces.

Newborns really aren't the cutest things, are they? That's okay, his brother and sister looked about the same, and now they're beyond adorable. Genetics!


*Obligatory "baby born on 6/6/6" joke.

Number of the...Beast?

For those of you who didn't know, my sister is pregnant with her third child. Well, I just received a call that she has gone into labor. Here's hoping for a healthy mother and child.

Uncle Damian is quite happy. I'll have more details as they become available.

National Day of Slayer: June 6, 2006 (6/6/6): I do hope you all will set aside some time to recognize. Might I suggest "Hell Awaits"? Or if you prefer, you can pick a track from this handy list, compiled by your friends at the All Music Guide.

Alex Toth has passed away. Comics bloggers all over the world try to resist "Space Ghost" jokes.

In all honesty, I don't know enough about the man to give him much of a tribute, but considering how much I've enjoyed his cartoon work over the years, I felt something should be said.

(Coming soon: a wrap-up of this past week's vacation. Teaser quote, directed at the cab driver that took us to Union Station this afternoon: "You dick-faced bitch." Ha!)

Greetings from Monongahela...

Just a brief howdy as I patiently wait for the little woman to finish packing for our return trip to D.C. tomorrow.

Vacation has been excellent so far, with the exception of having a weird and vivid dream Sunday night about going into work and then realizing when I got there that I was supposed to be starting my vacation. What's that about? Otherwise, it's been a heady mix of commerce, foodstuffs, and meeting the important people in the family. Fortunately, that last part has gone very well and I wasn't nervous one bit. Well, maybe I was a little, but not to the point where I was being completely socially inept or anything. Except for when I smacked her cousin on the ass. What was I thinking? Fortunately, he has a pretty good sense of humor.

Wait...that never happened. I'm okay then.

That's really been about it. Hope all is well with everyone.

Excelsior!
The Management

Guitar Hero II First Tracks Revealed
Game Nerds The World Over Throw The Goat

Sweet! For those PS2 owners that do not have the first game yet, I must ask: what the fuck is wrong with you? Do you have something against fun? You probably hate freedom, too.

Life Ain't Nothin' But Bitches And Money

Well, that and higher education.

Leon: Drink Down The Irony. (But don't drink the beer.)

If You Kick Me Off The Bus...
I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine.

This is the most compelling reason yet to be a school bus driver.

More Magic From YouTube

The Osmonds - Crazy Horses. (Alternate version with better fidelity, but less dancing.)

Political Discourse, Vega$-Style!

Prompted by The Drizzle's mention of Tip O'Neill in the comments below, I found this:



That is a picture of Tip O'Neill with former Texas rep Jake Pickle, obviously front and center at a Manowar concert. By the way, click the link for Big Jake (or, if you prefer, Big Pickle) to see him giving Coretta Scott King the "squeaky pickle", which is a tremendous euphemism waiting to happen.

Because Lazy Blogging Is Better Than No Blogging

(Alternate title for this post: "My life is like understanding Carmen, 'cuz I gets Bizet." Groan on your own time, people!)

Home internet was out for about a week. It was restored to its full-glory this morning, about three hours after shuffling Erica (fka as "EF") on the road back home. She was able to make it down for the third of three straight weekends of family birthdays, this time for my nephew, who turns 7 on Wednesday. Here is my nephew at Easter:



(Image resizing really distorts his suit, which is a shame, because it's such a lil pimp outfit. Curse my poor/lazy photography skills!)

The kids rode with Erica and me at one point, and we totally had a "family" moment when we both yelled to the back for them to stop tormenting each other. (Though, we both busted a gut when my four year-old niece got gangsta on her brother and said, "I'm 'bout to get on ya.") Isn't she adorable?



Anyway, it was a fun time with the whole family. Erica is a natural fit with my clan, which is a good sign. Despite a pre-adulthood history of dysfunction, it is very important that my significant other and my family get along well.

Going back a little further: the previous weekend was for my mother's birthday, and the weekend before that was my youngest sister. Those that have known me for a while know that I drop out of sight during the month of April. May is better for socializing, even though there are now more birthdays: my friend AK, Big Lou (aka my dad), Erica, Erica's mom, Los O's (both of them!) and probably some others that I'm sure I'm forgetting (I do this). And there's Mother's Day! You guys are killing me. Seriously, space your damn fake holidays.

I kid, of course, because I love.

Anyway, I'm back and ready for some social re-integration. I think I'm going to make one of my rare forays into a movie theater this, um, Thursday (too lazy to confirm at the moment) to see this. Then, I'm going to check out the Isis/Dalek/Zombi show at the Black Cat this coming Sunday. I've already pitched this to a couple of people, but now I'm putting it out there for all. This is just the start. I'd like to get out to a baseball game (Cannons or some other minor league squad, preferably), hit a water-side drinking hole or two, and maybe make a day trip. Warm weather couldn't come at a better time. Not that I don't love spending time with my family, but I'd like to add a little more spontaneity/alcohol into my life.

Not to blame the victim or anything, but...

Who falls for this? I mean, look at that guy's picture! I wouldn't take a free map from that guy, even if I was lost, let alone invite him into my home to play a little grabass.

(Alternate caption: "I was wondering what Ed Meese was up to...")

Viva Craigslist!

I'm sure this is in someone's Del.icio.us list, but I don't have the desire to go back and look. Deal with my redundancy!

"Let me fullfill (sic) all your fantasys (sic) . . . Make this Good Friday better with me," read an ad that vowed to improve the day for $150.

It's only better if they wear Catholic school uniforms.

Yes, I Know

Okay, I'm totally late with this one, but it has to be said. The oversized sunglasses? The Elton John specials? Yeah, those have to go. I'm sorry, but there are only two people in the history of mankind that have been able to pull off glasses that size successfully, and they were both staples of The Match Game. So, unless you can prove to me that you have, in fact, blown Gene Rayburn at some point in your life, you should lose this ridiculous accessory ASAP. Honestly, this is almost as repulsive as flipped up collars. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST BE THE LEAST BIT CREATIVE FOR A CHANGE?!

Ahem.

(This is what happens when I am bombarded with a high volume of social retardation in a small period of time. On my walk to work this morning, I passed no less than seven or eight of these people. And yet, if I set them on fire where they stand, I'd be the one to go the jail. Where is the justice?)

I'd take this chance to make a pre-emptive apology, in the off chance I offended somebody I knew, but you know, fuck it. It's that f'n ridiculous.

For GC

Oz Rock City?

I think it's great that they use the classic, Peter Criss lineup.

Get A Life

You may have noticed that not much information as it concerns my actual life has been on this blog recently. I am sad to report, that's not going to change here. And the next few weekends will not be particularly blogworthy, as it will involve me going out of town for family birthdays. The "life stuff" will be back soon.

And while we're on the subject of life, perhaps you know someone who could use a Life Gem.

The LifeGem(R) is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.

I have no punchline.

Sports!

The NFL released the 2006-2007 schedule this afternoon. The Dolphins will be kicking off the season against the current champions, the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Which, aside from being the team of choice for The Drizzle, also happens to be EF's favorite team. Let the crazy betting begin!) This, along with their Thanksgiving day game, is certainly a sign that the league, like many armchair prognosticators (and sad, success-starved Dolfans like myself), thinks highly of the Dolphins potential this year. I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic given the team’s recent history, even though the Dolphins have made all the right moves this offseason and appear primed to reclaim the division crown from the Duke Blue Devils New England Patriots. It should be one of the most fun seasons their offense has had since the Marino era, especially if Daunte Culpepper recovers completely from his knee injury. Between Culpepper, Ronnie Brown, Chris Chambers, Randy McMichael and an already improved O-Line, the defense should not have to be on the field for most of the game. You can't overstate the value of a good, rested defense when it comes to the playoffs. (And if Ricky Williams is cleared of all charges, they become that much better.)

Meanwhile, in baseball, the A's are early favorites for the AL West title (sorry, Jamy), and many people who get paid to make these kinds of predictions see them making it to the World Series this year. Again, I'm cautiously optimistic, as my hopes are always high on the A's every year, and they always wind up shooting themselves in the foot in the very last week of the season, or the opening round of the playoffs. Barry Zito's opening day pounding by the hated Yankees only added fuel to my skeptical fire, even if they did take the next two to win the series. The A's don't make it to this area until the third week of July, where they will have a three game series (Mon-Wed) in Baltimore. I think I might have to take that Wednesday off and catch the afternoon game.

Prediction for the Dolphins: division title, first round bye, AFC Championship game elimination. Hopes of Nick Saban being the next Bill Belichick will have to wait one more year. (Sadly, the AFC Championship loss will probably to the Steelers, which will make one helluva bookend to the season.) Conservative record: 11-5. (First response upon seeing the schedule: 13-3.)

Prediction for the Athletics: division title, seven game series with either Chicago or Cleveland (whoever wins the Central) for a shot at the World Series. They will, much to my chagrin, probably come up short.

Schadenfreude!

Archive Grid

Thousands of libraries, museums, and archives have contributed nearly a million collection descriptions to ArchiveGrid. Researchers searching ArchiveGrid can learn about the many items in each of these collections, contact archives to arrange a visit to examine materials, and order copies.

ArchiveGrid is available to both individuals and institutions free of charge through May 31st. If additional grants funds or sponsorship are obtained, ArchiveGrid will remain free of charge; otherwise subscriptions will be available for institutions and individuals alike.

(link found over at Good Shit, which is NSFW, btw.)

StreetWars

"At the start of the game you will receive a manila envelope containing the following:

* A picture of your intended target(s)
* The home address of your intended target(s)
* The work address of your intended target(s)
* The name of your intended target(s)
* Contact information of your intended target(s)

Upon receipt of these items, your (or your team's) mission is to find and kill (by way of water gun, water balloon or super soaker) your target(s).

You can hunt your target down any way you see fit; you can pose as a delivery person and jack them when they open the door, disguise yourself and take them out on the street, etc.

If you are successful in your assassination attempt, the person you killed will give you their envelope and the person they were supposed to kill becomes your new target. This continues until you work yourself through all the players and retrieve the envelope with your (or your team's) picture(s) and name(s). Then you win. Cash…but first live in fear."

This sounds like it could be a load of fun, until it goes horribly, horribly awry.

Town Without Pity Pitney

R.I.P. Gene.

He Was Injured

...injured bad.

Great Products and Advice celebrating God's fantastic gift of sex within Christian marriage

"Sex is a great gift from God - we stock products to enhance your sex life with your spouse! All our products and images on this site are selected on two criteria: sex in marriage is based on wholly love (so we have not selected hurtful products), and the Biblical portrait of marital sex as a reflection of God's holy love for us (so we have avoided inappropriate images wherever possible)."

Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog

That's right, bitches.

This works on so many levels.

The rappers will return home this weekend, as Memphis officials have declared Saturday Three 6 Mafia Day and will present the group with a key to the city.

Not hatin' or anything, but that's just ludacris ludicrous.

For The Birds

Hatebeak: a death metal band with a parrot on lead vocals. Get some!

More Baby Clothes!

Behold, ya'll...The Boba Fett Jumper! (via Jinjur)


(Photo--and jumper--by Sarah Dyer. Photo used without permission.)

Lucha Libre!

Illegal Mexican Wrestlers Taking Smackdowns American Wrestlers Don't Want

This image is gold:

Perhaps We Should Reconsider Our Specific Requests...*

Trainer to the Champs


*Only a handful will get that, but I don't care. Isn't that right, Drizzle?

I think Mapplethorpe could have done better.

...reveals the crowning of baby Sean's head.

Sometimes, attention to details is wholly unnecessary.

Hail Riverbottom!

Do real bands even rock like this any more?

Move Over, DJ Kaiser Wilhelm

Almost forgot.

New Character Alert: Hunter Green, Husky Male Model.

List-A-Moo!

I will now, for the sake of brevity, run down the last couple of weeks in CO-approved bullet form.

-A couple of Saturdays ago, I made it to the Dada exhibit avec ES, MC (a co-worker) and JS (her fiancee). It was a good time. I need to go back, as I rushed through a couple of parts in order to avoid getting swept up in the tidal wave of a tour that was happening at the time. Two things unrelated to the exhibit that came about because of the exhibit: 1) "Tits are Dada." and 2) "Hand me a black magic marker." (Which is code for "check out that rack!")

-EF came down and stayed from last Wednesday until yesterday morning. It's great when I get to see her for such an extended stay; but it's all the worse when she leaves again.

-One of my sisters (D1) celebrated her 28th birthday last week (and thus begins the intense string of birthdays; there are now nine more to celebrate between now and the end of May), with a family gathering happening this past Saturday. A good time was had by all, and my nephew and niece were fun and well-behaved. This was funny:

Me (holding my niece): C'mon, let's go find mommy and daddy.
Niece: And don't forget your wife!
Me (laughing): She's not my wife, she's my girlfriend.

-My niece kept calling EF by a different name, which I encouraged.

-The NCAA tournament started. My brackets are completely destroyed, and the only way I get any money this year is if I steal the pot. However, I did get EF hooked on the Madness, so much so that she filled out her own brackets. Yes, fools, she's doing better than I. She had f'n Bradley in the Sweet 16!

-If anybody were to visit my spot now, she would be amazed. Amazed, I tell you! There was a legitimate marathon cleaning session. I just need to jettison some more junk (after pitching nine 30-gal. bags of stuff) and get some more furniture. When I eventually move (slightly delayed as some other considerations are now in the picture), it will be much easier. In the meantime, why not make the current situation as nice as possible?

-Speaking of new furniture, do you think this is too much?

-Unfortunately, between getting stuff done around my spot, visiting with the family, and doing stuff with EF, I did not get a chance to hook up with Los Os and their visitor, SR.

And coming this weekend: Harrisburg!

Brought on by a discussion with a co-worker w/r/t the delicious Bonobo (see article posted below), I present to you the Monkey Tastiness Index (MTI):

Bonobos - Most tasty and most versatile. Bonobo en brochette will be the hit of any party.

Marmosets - The caviar of monkeys, especially pygmy marmosets. An acquired taste for sure.

Titis - best monkey to use for a tartare (titi tartare!)

Mandrill - The monkey equivalent of a juicy t-bone. If you finish an entire adult, you eat for free!

Woolly Monkeys - ideal for any sort of wrapped dish, like burritos or enchiladas.

Tamarins - Excellent in Asian dishes. You have not lived until you've had wasabi tamarin.

Colobus Monkeys - The least distinct tasting. Good for monkeyloafs.

Howler Monkeys - Perfect for barbecuing, ideally if you go the Kansas City style route.

Macaques - Tastes like chicken.

Capuchins - Used for many a sausage. Capuchinwurst is a fun alternative for your next Oktoberfest celebration.

Proboscis Monkeys - The snout is rumored to be an aphrodisiac. The rest of the monkey is average and is often served deep fried.

Spider Monkeys - A great substitute meat for southern cuisine. A pulled spider monkey sandwich and fried green tomatoes are good eating.

Squirrel Monkeys - Best served as summer camp mystery meat or in monkey scrapple.

Another Dead Celebrity

(I don't have much else for you lately, so why not?)

Gordon Parks, known to most as the director of Shaft, has passed away. RIP, Mr. Parks.

Presenting: The Muppet Matrix

Some inspired casting, there.

RIP - Kirby Puckett

That's really sad. One of my favorite players from that era.

Roethlisblogger!

Hippie Chimps Fast Disappearing As Dinner

Sad story, hilarious headline.

The animals are known for greeting rival groups with genital handshakes and sensual body rubs.

Amen.

He Never Said That

As far as breakfast goes, you could do a lot worse than Caramel Nips. -C. Everett Koop

Outrageous.

Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman.

She allows him forbidden fruit once a year, then snatches it away from him just like that. That's positively evil.

And Another

Happy Birthday, Jamy!

Don Knotts, TV's Lovable Nerd, Dies at 81

RIP, Mr. Limpet. You truly were incredible.

Sports Roundup!

What's this I hear about Joe Montana's wife being indicted for betting on sports while winning a gold medal in the dunk contest by jumping over Spud Webb?

Stay tuned to this spot next month for another DVX Sports Roundup!

Okay, fine.

The cable modem issue did, in fact, resolve itself. Like, an hour or so before the tech was supposed to show up.

I'll never question tech support again. Well, unless they fuck up royally.

Announcement

I'm without internet on the homefront until sometime early Saturday*. Consequently, I will not be able to reply to any emails that are sent after business hours. (Which, for me, is usually after 6 or 6:30pm.)

All other lines of communication are open, savages.

*"Unless the problem resolves itself." I love tech support.

Another Year, Ya Lucky Bastard

Grand and happy birthday wishes to Dr. C. Enjoy yourself!

-Archbishop Vega$

I Love You, Egg

Go here, please. Then click on the "Egg Song" in the upper right corner.

That is all.

When the blogging slows down to a trickle, there's really no point in trying to fill in all the gaps between posts. Trying to remember it all is often pointless (for me, anyway, since years of sleep deprivation has fried my memory) and it is even worse when there is little to report. I'm going through the latter.

Not entirely true, of course. I went north last Wednesday afternoon to spend a nice long weekend with EF, coming back by train today. I could let rip with a bilious rant about Amtrak, but I'm already over it. That thing is never on time when making the return trip (going north is always on time or close to it), and not only is it late, but it's late by hours and hours. It's a good thing I was able to sleep through most of it, or I would have been seething.

The trip was nice and relaxing, as long weekends tend to be. Highlights include:

-Exchanging Valentine's gifts on my first night there.

-Spending quality time with EF and her mother.

-EF and I going into Pittsburgh a couple of times so that I could indulge my record store addiction. We hit Eide's Entertainment and Dave's Music Mine, where I went on a nice little buying binge like I haven't done in quite a while. I picked up The Essential Fishbone and two Prince discs from the latter (Come and The Love Symbol album, or "O(+>" as it is shown on iTunes), while grabbing Zatokrev's self-titled disc, SunnO)))'s Black One, Destroy Erase Improve by Meshuggah, Torture Killer's Swarm, and a tribute to the Melvins called We Reach, which features a number of metal's bigger names (Isis, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Mastodon, High On Fire, Pig Destroyer, etc.) at Eide's. I hope to hit Brave New World the next time I go to visit. I'm ripping all of the into the iPod as I type this. If I manage to find a spark for writing any time soon, more about this music and much more could be found on my music blog.

-Had a great dinner with EF, her cousin and his wife at DeNunzio's in Latrobe.

-Meeting up with a couple of friends of theirs after dinner for drinks at a private club near where EF lives. $0.80 drafts! Cheap booze on all levels.

-Brief text fun with The Driz on Saturday afternoon.

-Getting EF hooked on Guitar Hero (on the few times we were in the house long enough to actually sit down and veg).

And that's about it. Now I'm home, wishing I was still up in PA, and not at all wanting to go to work tomorrow. Same as always, eh?

Inane, Sexist Question Inspired By The Olympics

Do female hockey players get in as many fights as their male counterparts? And if so, is it as hilarious as I imagine it?

Thank you, Torino!

ZZZZZ...

You ever have that somnambulist feeling? Do you...you feel like I do?

I haven't been feeling the blog thing lately. Usually, I'll go through periods of non-blogging but still make mental notes of things I'd like to write about, hoping that enough material would pile up and force me to write something here. Sometimes it happens; most often, it does not. Of course, considering that most of the fodder for my blog is personal experiences and work has managed to limit that lately, the saturation point that triggers blog-writing has not really been approached.

Beyond the work thing (which is actually, finally, honestly approaching the point of being manageable), I haven't even been thinking about blogging much, with the exception of a piece that is half-formed in my mind about recent unique gaming experiences (covering three titles in particular: Indigo Prophecy, Shadow of the Colossus, and Guitar Hero) and the slow trickle of titles that are trying to move beyond or at least expand upon traditional game forms. But, as is usual when an idea occurs to me, I find myself unable to get beyond the note gathering phase and actually hammer something out. It's a combination of factors, most boring and predictable, so there's no need to elaborate.

I can tell you that things have not been completely devoid of social activity. I've returned to the gym after a lapse in attendance; EF came down for a long weekend a couple of weeks ago, and I've managed to hang out with The Drizzle (new nickname pending) the last couple of weekends (football and beer!), with Mr. O on board last night. I've also returned to my favorite bakery a couple of times the last few weeks. Honestly, folks, if you happen to be near one of their locations any time soon, I suggest you swing by and pick yourself up some Pesto Asiago or Cinnamon Swirl bread (or both; who says indecision is bad?).

I've also been spending way too much time ripping my music collection into one of Xmas gifts. It's been a great chance to listen to stuff I haven't pulled off the shelf in ages. At the same time, it's only three weeks into the new year and I already feel behind new music. One notable exception: the new release from Pearls and Brass, who will be playing in DC in March at DC 9. (Another good show coming in March for all you noiseniks is Whitehouse with Pig Destroyer, and Wolf Eyes. Um, bring earplugs. Tinnitus can be a bitch.)

The next couple of weeks will see the Super Bowl happening, as well as hitting Fado for some Six Nations Rugby action. I'll also be heading back to PA to see EF. I'm sure other plans will materialize, but that's all that's on the radar at the moment.

This would be even cooler if they were also developing an R2 unit to fix the thing when it went on the fritz.

The Year In Monkeys!

Actual Quote

Unfortunately, I was unable to get the butter stains out of my shorts.

That's It?

It's been quiet, as always, around these parts. The holidays, as well as 2005 itself, have come and gone and with them, some new perspectives, inspirations, and aspirations have been gained. Plus, I now have a subscription to Sheep! (Thanks, Driz. I'm sure I'm now on Homeland Security's watch list.) So I got that going for me.

Christmas was spent with the family, and it was quite a wonderful time, up until the call on Christmas evening informing my mother that she had lost another sibling. My uncle's passing was unexpected and gave a bleak ending to what was an otherwise great holiday weekend. I hadn't seen this uncle since my grandmother's funeral about eight years ago, and that was the only time I'd seen him since I entered adulthood. I didn't know him that well, so I didn't have a strong reaction to the news. Honestly, my thoughts have been more on my mother since finding out. The good thing is that, even though I haven't seen him in nearly a decade, he had actually been in contact with my mother semi-regularly the last year or so. She had actually spoken to him the week before, and she's glad she got to tell him she loved him when she did. Not everyone is that lucky.

On a more upbeat note, I did get a nice digital camera, and managed to take some pictures with it. They're not the best quality (still haven't sat down with it to find out what it's capable of), but they'll do. For instance, here are two of my niece and nephew.



My niece in a rare calm moment. (Mit Pooh!)



My niece turning around to push her brother out of her picture. She is such a spotlight hog.

The New Year was spent in the company of EF, who flew down on Friday night. We cabbed back to my place, did the gift exchange (no, that's not a euphemism), had a delicious late dinner at Afterwords, then basically came back and crashed. We slept in on New Year's eve, grabbing a late lunch, then some relaxing before we decide to go the Black Cat for their New Year's Eve Ball. You know, in all of my years of living in the D.C. area, I've never been to the NYE celebration featuring Peaches O'Dell and Her Orchestra at the Black Cat. And, this year was no different.

See, what ha' happened was, we went, and we bought tickets, but it was early.

Me: She's doing four sets, plus there's some DJ action on the backstage. Since it's early, why don't we get a drink first?
EF: Okay.

So we went to the Red Room, got ourselves a couple of drinks, and soon after a couple of stools. And, well, we just drank and had a good time. It was great to be there, since I haven't been there since my birthday celebration back in September. And EF and I were having such a good time that going to check out the music seemed unnecessary.

Here are some photos of the evening (linked instead of put into the post for space purposes):

EF at the bar.
People in costume!
Bunnyhead!
Gingerbread! (Notice the bunny ears in the frame. Bunnyhead got all up in my grill.)

At some point, we decided to pack it in. While settling up, I offered one last chance to justify the ticket purchase, but I think we were a bit too to' up, and the fresh air was more inviting. So we left.



From the walk home. Fortunately, even in her inebriated state, EF was able to talk me out of Yum's. However, she did not deter me from fresh donuts at 7-11. Success!

And that is that. Happy New Year, bitches.