Friday, April 28, 2006

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Political Discourse, Vega$-Style!

Prompted by The Drizzle's mention of Tip O'Neill in the comments below, I found this:

That is a picture of Tip O'Neill with former Texas rep Jake Pickle, obviously front and center at a Manowar concert. By the way, click the link for Big Jake (or, if you prefer, Big Pickle) to see him giving Coretta Scott King the "squeaky pickle", which is a tremendous euphemism waiting to happen.

Because Lazy Blogging Is Better Than No Blogging

(Alternate title for this post: "My life is like understanding Carmen, 'cuz I gets Bizet." Groan on your own time, people!)

Home internet was out for about a week. It was restored to its full-glory this morning, about three hours after shuffling Erica (fka as "EF") on the road back home. She was able to make it down for the third of three straight weekends of family birthdays, this time for my nephew, who turns 7 on Wednesday. Here is my nephew at Easter:

(Image resizing really distorts his suit, which is a shame, because it's such a lil pimp outfit. Curse my poor/lazy photography skills!)

The kids rode with Erica and me at one point, and we totally had a "family" moment when we both yelled to the back for them to stop tormenting each other. (Though, we both busted a gut when my four year-old niece got gangsta on her brother and said, "I'm 'bout to get on ya.") Isn't she adorable?

Anyway, it was a fun time with the whole family. Erica is a natural fit with my clan, which is a good sign. Despite a pre-adulthood history of dysfunction, it is very important that my significant other and my family get along well.

Going back a little further: the previous weekend was for my mother's birthday, and the weekend before that was my youngest sister. Those that have known me for a while know that I drop out of sight during the month of April. May is better for socializing, even though there are now more birthdays: my friend AK, Big Lou (aka my dad), Erica, Erica's mom, Los O's (both of them!) and probably some others that I'm sure I'm forgetting (I do this). And there's Mother's Day! You guys are killing me. Seriously, space your damn fake holidays.

I kid, of course, because I love.

Anyway, I'm back and ready for some social re-integration. I think I'm going to make one of my rare forays into a movie theater this, um, Thursday (too lazy to confirm at the moment) to see this. Then, I'm going to check out the Isis/Dalek/Zombi show at the Black Cat this coming Sunday. I've already pitched this to a couple of people, but now I'm putting it out there for all. This is just the start. I'd like to get out to a baseball game (Cannons or some other minor league squad, preferably), hit a water-side drinking hole or two, and maybe make a day trip. Warm weather couldn't come at a better time. Not that I don't love spending time with my family, but I'd like to add a little more spontaneity/alcohol into my life.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Not to blame the victim or anything, but...

Who falls for this? I mean, look at that guy's picture! I wouldn't take a free map from that guy, even if I was lost, let alone invite him into my home to play a little grabass.

(Alternate caption: "I was wondering what Ed Meese was up to...")

Viva Craigslist!

I'm sure this is in someone's list, but I don't have the desire to go back and look. Deal with my redundancy!

"Let me fullfill (sic) all your fantasys (sic) . . . Make this Good Friday better with me," read an ad that vowed to improve the day for $150.
It's only better if they wear Catholic school uniforms.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Yes, I Know

Okay, I'm totally late with this one, but it has to be said. The oversized sunglasses? The Elton John specials? Yeah, those have to go. I'm sorry, but there are only two people in the history of mankind that have been able to pull off glasses that size successfully, and they were both staples of The Match Game. So, unless you can prove to me that you have, in fact, blown Gene Rayburn at some point in your life, you should lose this ridiculous accessory ASAP. Honestly, this is almost as repulsive as flipped up collars. CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST BE THE LEAST BIT CREATIVE FOR A CHANGE?!


(This is what happens when I am bombarded with a high volume of social retardation in a small period of time. On my walk to work this morning, I passed no less than seven or eight of these people. And yet, if I set them on fire where they stand, I'd be the one to go the jail. Where is the justice?)

I'd take this chance to make a pre-emptive apology, in the off chance I offended somebody I knew, but you know, fuck it. It's that f'n ridiculous.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Oz Rock City?

I think it's great that they use the classic, Peter Criss lineup.

Friday, April 7, 2006

Get A Life

You may have noticed that not much information as it concerns my actual life has been on this blog recently. I am sad to report, that's not going to change here. And the next few weekends will not be particularly blogworthy, as it will involve me going out of town for family birthdays. The "life stuff" will be back soon.

And while we're on the subject of life, perhaps you know someone who could use a Life Gem.

The LifeGem(R) is a certified, high-quality diamond created from the carbon of your loved one as a memorial to their unique life.
I have no punchline.

Thursday, April 6, 2006


The NFL released the 2006-2007 schedule this afternoon. The Dolphins will be kicking off the season against the current champions, the Pittsburgh Steelers. (Which, aside from being the team of choice for The Drizzle, also happens to be EF's favorite team. Let the crazy betting begin!) This, along with their Thanksgiving day game, is certainly a sign that the league, like many armchair prognosticators (and sad, success-starved Dolfans like myself), thinks highly of the Dolphins potential this year. I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic given the team’s recent history, even though the Dolphins have made all the right moves this offseason and appear primed to reclaim the division crown from the Duke Blue Devils New England Patriots. It should be one of the most fun seasons their offense has had since the Marino era, especially if Daunte Culpepper recovers completely from his knee injury. Between Culpepper, Ronnie Brown, Chris Chambers, Randy McMichael and an already improved O-Line, the defense should not have to be on the field for most of the game. You can't overstate the value of a good, rested defense when it comes to the playoffs. (And if Ricky Williams is cleared of all charges, they become that much better.)

Meanwhile, in baseball, the A's are early favorites for the AL West title (sorry, Jamy), and many people who get paid to make these kinds of predictions see them making it to the World Series this year. Again, I'm cautiously optimistic, as my hopes are always high on the A's every year, and they always wind up shooting themselves in the foot in the very last week of the season, or the opening round of the playoffs. Barry Zito's opening day pounding by the hated Yankees only added fuel to my skeptical fire, even if they did take the next two to win the series. The A's don't make it to this area until the third week of July, where they will have a three game series (Mon-Wed) in Baltimore. I think I might have to take that Wednesday off and catch the afternoon game.

Prediction for the Dolphins: division title, first round bye, AFC Championship game elimination. Hopes of Nick Saban being the next Bill Belichick will have to wait one more year. (Sadly, the AFC Championship loss will probably to the Steelers, which will make one helluva bookend to the season.) Conservative record: 11-5. (First response upon seeing the schedule: 13-3.)

Prediction for the Athletics: division title, seven game series with either Chicago or Cleveland (whoever wins the Central) for a shot at the World Series. They will, much to my chagrin, probably come up short.


Archive Grid

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(link found over at Good Shit, which is NSFW, btw.)

Wednesday, April 5, 2006


"At the start of the game you will receive a manila envelope containing the following:

* A picture of your intended target(s)
* The home address of your intended target(s)
* The work address of your intended target(s)
* The name of your intended target(s)
* Contact information of your intended target(s)

Upon receipt of these items, your (or your team's) mission is to find and kill (by way of water gun, water balloon or super soaker) your target(s).

You can hunt your target down any way you see fit; you can pose as a delivery person and jack them when they open the door, disguise yourself and take them out on the street, etc.

If you are successful in your assassination attempt, the person you killed will give you their envelope and the person they were supposed to kill becomes your new target. This continues until you work yourself through all the players and retrieve the envelope with your (or your team's) picture(s) and name(s). Then you win. Cash…but first live in fear."

This sounds like it could be a load of fun, until it goes horribly, horribly awry.

Town Without Pity Pitney

R.I.P. Gene.

Monday, April 3, 2006

Great Products and Advice celebrating God's fantastic gift of sex within Christian marriage

"Sex is a great gift from God - we stock products to enhance your sex life with your spouse! All our products and images on this site are selected on two criteria: sex in marriage is based on wholly love (so we have not selected hurtful products), and the Biblical portrait of marital sex as a reflection of God's holy love for us (so we have avoided inappropriate images wherever possible)."

Geoffrey Chaucer Hath a Blog

That's right, bitches.