Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Nothing Can Just Be Funny Anymore

So, I saw that Chronic of Narnia rap in CO's Del.icio.us list. (Lord knows I don't really watch SNL any more.) Then I saw this and this. (Oh, and don't forget this. Merchandise!)


That Aaron Burr line does own, though.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

All PA, All The Time


I won't really get into the usual excuse making. Blame my job, laziness, fatigue, indifference, or whatever tickles your fancy. Be creative. "He just escaped from a parallel universe where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is what it seems." That sort of thing.

The problem with delayed blogging is that details become hazy, especially when sleep deprivation already wreaks havoc with short-term memory. So, as best as I can remember, this is what happened during the last two weekends, both involving trips to Pennsylvania.

PA Trip #1: Monongahela

I took a few days off from work to go stay with EF. I went up on Wednesday, the 7th, via our country's reliable railroad system. The trip up was very uneventful, involving sleep and more sleep. I tried to get some hot wi-fi action going up in the mountains, but it was a pointless endeavor.

I got to the Connellsville, PA "station" around 10pm. I suppose all stops that aren't actual stations are like this, but this was like a Fotomat beside some train tracks. Ridiculous. I was met by EF's mother, making this one of the strangest first meetings with a parent I've had. Only more ludicrous was the time I met my second girlfriend's mother while she was getting her grind on with two men on a dancefloor in Youngstown, Ohio. But that never happened.

The drive back to the spot wasn't awkward at all, which immediately set the tone for the rest of the weekend. About a half hour later, we reached the house, which was lit up tastefully for the season, and unloaded my bags. I had myself a tasty beverage and we talked and waited for EF to get home from work. EF showed up about thirty minutes later and we had a late dinner, which included a wonderful potato soup. Now that's the reason for the season!

The unfortunate thing about this trip is that EF had to work every day that I was there, so we didn't get to hang out as much as I would have liked. Thursday, I went into town with her when she went to work and I spent most of my day window shopping and reading/nodding off in a book store, with a nice quick lunch together somewhere in between. I also went to the movies that night, marking the first time I've been in a theater since The Aristocrats. I saw Aeon Flux, which, judging by what I saw when I was awake, was a decent action flick.

Friday, I just chilled out in the house, getting more sleep and recovering from the slight cold I woke up with on Wednesday morning. With all the snow that fell the night before, I definitely enjoyed the chance to just be warm for most of the day. That night, EF and I went into town for a nice little dinner.

Saturday was spent hanging with EF's mother and Bailey, the most energetic rat terrier in the world.

That's him in one of the rare, still moments on my lap. Normally, every second we were in the same room together, he would try to jump up on me. And then, when I'd sit down on the couch, he'd hop up there and try to go to town on my arm. I knew switching to the dog hormone body wash was a mistake. Anyway, that night, all three of us went out for a quick meal and inadvertantly wound up on the set of one of The Drizzle's movies, as we were surrounded by the attendees of the local junior high winter formal in the restaurant. I capped off that evening rather embarassingly, as EF made me tell her mother The Worst Joke In The World. (I've only told the Driz this one, and I won't repeat it here. What made telling this joke even more awful is that EF's mother works for children's services. Comedy!)

Sunday was another day in town killing time while EF worked. Sunday is also football day. So, I grabbed a spot at the bar of The Roxy Cafe and watched the Steelers/Bears game. (Alan Faneca fans everywhere!) I also proceeded to get lit up real proper-like, which made the rest of the day comedic as I tried to stay awake. What can I say, I got caught up in the drama of the dismantling of Baby Admiral and the Bears. That night, we had another very late dinner downtown and did not manage to get home until midnight. That's not too bad until you consider that I had to be awake at 4:30am to catch a 5:55am train in Connellsville.

Sadly, this train ride was not as uneventful as the first. We got there with about 20 minutes to go and waited. And waited. And waited. EF slept a little while I continued to play the waiting game. When 7am rolled around, I decided to find out what the heck was going on. So I fired up the laptop and went to the Amtrak site. A three hour and change delay. Well, that sucks. And now it's starting to snow/sleet some more. We decide to drive all the way back, though EF considered just getting a hotel room nearby just so we didn't have to go all the way back to her house. In retrospect, that would have been smarter, but I somehow reasoned with her that it would be better to go back home. So we went back, napped a little, then woke up to check the schedule. The train has lost another hour in transit, but could "make up time" between stations. Right. Still, we decide to leave a little early, just in case Amtrak manages to pull it off. Fast forward to when I actually board the train: almost 11:30am. Amazingly, we managed to lose another hour on the ride down, getting me home at 6:30pm, instead of the noon arrival I was hoping for. On the plus side, I did get to spend a few more hours with EF, so it wasn't that bad. All told, I had a really good time, despite not doing much outside of the house. Obviously, I'll be going back again. Next time, I will try to make it during a weekend where she has some time off and it's nicer outside.

PA Trip #2: Harrisburg

I made a return to the mighty Keystone state this past weekend, this time as a celebration of The Drizzle's XXXI-st birfday. The guilty parties on this trip were: me, CO, JW, and The Driz.

Things kicked off the night before, actually, with a pre-holiday gathering at Chez O, with Mr. and Mrs. CO hosting The Driz and me for a night of MST3K, gift giving, and fried chicken. Lots and lots of fried chicken. Strangely, Friday night seems to be fried chicken night down in Alexandria, as there was a substantial line inside the restaurant as well as in the drive through when The Driz and I tried to pick up vittles. But, we were undeterred and declared victory some twenty minutes later (having waited in line that long) and made our way to Los O's House of Love. The evening was quite nice, with much chicken consumed, much laughter, and a little bit of homespun comedy...

While flipping through channels, I made Mrs. O stop on the awful Mark Linn-Baker/Melanie Griffith vehicle, Twins. (Well, it's probably more a Sara Gilbert vehicle, but that's not as funny to say.) During the brutal scene, Mr. Linn-Baker makes a funny with "Toblerone" in the punchline. Toblerone, as it turns out, makes Mr. O laugh every time he hears the word. A minute later, Ms. Griffith is on the screen, and we start to debate her beauty (or lack thereof). I said something to the effect that she's "one facelift away from being Madame. This led Mr. O to declare that the name "Madame Toblerone" was comedy gold. We even defined who Madame Toblerone is: she's the woman in the bar/club who is clearly too old to be there.

The next day, The Driz picked me up at the King Street Metro station in the early afternoon, after which we picked up Mr. O, bag full of chicken in hand. We hit the road and basically nattered on about this and that, eating some of our leftovers on the way. We stopped for fueling of the auto and personal variety in Gettysburg. While we're sitting in the parking lot of Giant, I decide to fetch the soda I had in my bag in the trunk. Without thinking, I started to open it up, sending forth a nearly fatal spray of Dr. Pepper. Fortunately, I was able to tighten the cap on my drunk-ripened soda quick enough to avoid true catastrophe, and the bulk of the overflow went into my donut bag.

From there, we rolled out of Gettysburg to pick up JW, and finally reached the hotel in Harrisburg around 6:30. After some settling in, we make our way to the first stop of the night, Molly Branigan's. That's a nice little place, with decent food and an atmosphere very conducive to conversation and socializing. We had dinner and a couple of drinks before departing, catching up with JW, whom we had not seen since...well, honestly, I don't remember. But it was a loooong time ago.

From there, we hit The Hardware Bar, Harrisburg's finest tribute to Coyote Ugly. That was a good time. We got there before the place was packed and were able to secure a nice spot in the balcony. We hit it just in time to take full advantage of the happy hour, too. And take advantage we did. Beer after beer seemed to hit the table, leaving us nice and lubricated when the crappy cover band started playing. To amuse myself (and CO, to some extent), I began to make requests that the band would never play in a million years, like pieces by Coltrane, The Mahavishnu Orchestra, and Louis Armstrong. Additionally, I danced like a meth-addled lunatic and played terrific air guitar during their take on Guns 'N Roses. Oh, and before I forget, the Madame Toblerone of the evening made her way to our table to chat one of us up. I won't use names. Try to guess which one; I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Many hours and beers later, we left and went to The Saloon. Not much happened there, except this:

That's a mirrorful of ketchup right there, courtesy of CO. Because, what else are you going to do with a giant mirror and a squeeze bottle of ketchup in your hand.

After tiring of The Saloon, we moseyed across the street to The Spot (I think that's what it was called) to get some foodstuffs. On the way out of The Saloon, it should be noted, I grabbed a handful of peanuts and stuffed them in my pocket. JW also grabbed a handful, giving me some for my nut stash. For some reason known only by the beer demons and my own budding insanity, I started to talk loudly in the creepy, pedophilic old man from Family Guy voice. "I gots a pocket full of peanuts. Who wants some?" And, etc. This amused me and countless others, or so my memory would have me believe. I do think I alarmed a couple of people, and I'm sure the chef at the diner teabagged my hot dog, but that's life.

The next morning was typical after such a night, a tight, banged-up feeling. Now with 10% more headache! Fortuntely, this went away when we hit Hoss's on the way back. The rest of Sunday was spent watching football (Go Chargers! Legacy!) and trying to catch up on sleep.

A fine couple of weekends, I'd say. And more to come.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

So, have you seen that "Hamster Dance" site?

The latest in things on the internet that amuse me that has probably been amusing everybody else for months.

Friday, December 9, 2005

Two From PA

I took this after leaving the movie theater yesterday, using the camera phone. (I saw Aeon Flux, but fell asleep for about a half hour during the movies first half, missing some key plot points. Subsequently, I cannot tell you if it was good or not.) That's a real tree, but it looks oddly fake, due mostly to the quality of the camera, I'm sure.

This is an Antwan Randle-El onesie. Lordy. Though, I admit, I wouldn't mind dressing a future Little Vegas in a Marino onesie. I would have also taken a picture of a Dan Kreider jersey for CO, but I couldn't get a good shot of it with the camera. Foiled!

Thursday, December 8, 2005

World's First Musical Sammich

They have been working on this for decades; the first one killed Mama Cass.

Sunday, December 4, 2005

Quick Wrap Up

Friday: Worked until 9 at night (making it the second night in a row I had to do that), much to my chagrin. So enraging. Nearly put my head through my monitor at work. (Seriously) Especially difficult because I had plans for that evening (drinks with The Drizzle) to which I was looking forward. The Driz agreed to come into the city to pick me up so I wouldn't have to deal with the Metro ride down. When I got home, I discovered that the old (ooooold) laptop was not functioning properly. It was also making a horrible, horrible sound. To be dealt with later. I did manage to have many beers with The Driz while we played catch up. We also chatted up our usual waitress quite a bit that evening. Plus, I played text-message tag with "AF" from work.

Saturday: Laptop is completely dead. This was the backup to the computer that crapped out in September that I have been too lazy (and overwhelmed with work) to properly fix. So, I did something I was planning on doing eventually: I bought a new laptop. Now, I didn't go all out, because I am also going to be buying a rather high-end workstation very soon. (Within the next month; I have the cash, but I would rather put it off until after the holidays.) Buying the new laptop took up most of my day, what with running around the city, going to stores to see what was available and doing comparisons. Normally, I would have just done online, but, well, that one is self-explanatory. Irony! But, I'm really enjoying this new machine.

Sunday: Sloth. Video games. Laundry. And, of course, football. I can't believe the Dolphins pulled that out. Sage! Unfortunately, the Steelers lost a tough one to the Bengals. I usually wouldn't care, but because EF is a Steelers fan, I'm a bit obligated to not hate on them as much.

And speaking of EF, I wil be leaving on Wednesday to go see her. I'll be back next Monday. Not that I have been doing much blogging, but now there will be an excuse for no posts next week. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I still have Monday and Tuesday to reckon with. I'm hoping that my visible rage on Friday will buy me a bit of a break, but I doubt it.