Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Nothing Can Just Be Funny Anymore

So, I saw that Chronic of Narnia rap in CO's Del.icio.us list. (Lord knows I don't really watch SNL any more.) Then I saw this and this. (Oh, and don't forget this. Merchandise!)

Jesus.

That Aaron Burr line does own, though.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

All PA, All The Time


Finally.

I won't really get into the usual excuse making. Blame my job, laziness, fatigue, indifference, or whatever tickles your fancy. Be creative. "He just escaped from a parallel universe where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing is what it seems." That sort of thing.

The problem with delayed blogging is that details become hazy, especially when sleep deprivation already wreaks havoc with short-term memory. So, as best as I can remember, this is what happened during the last two weekends, both involving trips to Pennsylvania.

PA Trip #1: Monongahela

I took a few days off from work to go stay with EF. I went up on Wednesday, the 7th, via our country's reliable railroad system. The trip up was very uneventful, involving sleep and more sleep. I tried to get some hot wi-fi action going up in the mountains, but it was a pointless endeavor.

I got to the Connellsville, PA "station" around 10pm. I suppose all stops that aren't actual stations are like this, but this was like a Fotomat beside some train tracks. Ridiculous. I was met by EF's mother, making this one of the strangest first meetings with a parent I've had. Only more ludicrous was the time I met my second girlfriend's mother while she was getting her grind on with two men on a dancefloor in Youngstown, Ohio. But that never happened.

The drive back to the spot wasn't awkward at all, which immediately set the tone for the rest of the weekend. About a half hour later, we reached the house, which was lit up tastefully for the season, and unloaded my bags. I had myself a tasty beverage and we talked and waited for EF to get home from work. EF showed up about thirty minutes later and we had a late dinner, which included a wonderful potato soup. Now that's the reason for the season!

The unfortunate thing about this trip is that EF had to work every day that I was there, so we didn't get to hang out as much as I would have liked. Thursday, I went into town with her when she went to work and I spent most of my day window shopping and reading/nodding off in a book store, with a nice quick lunch together somewhere in between. I also went to the movies that night, marking the first time I've been in a theater since The Aristocrats. I saw Aeon Flux, which, judging by what I saw when I was awake, was a decent action flick.

Friday, I just chilled out in the house, getting more sleep and recovering from the slight cold I woke up with on Wednesday morning. With all the snow that fell the night before, I definitely enjoyed the chance to just be warm for most of the day. That night, EF and I went into town for a nice little dinner.

Saturday was spent hanging with EF's mother and Bailey, the most energetic rat terrier in the world.



That's him in one of the rare, still moments on my lap. Normally, every second we were in the same room together, he would try to jump up on me. And then, when I'd sit down on the couch, he'd hop up there and try to go to town on my arm. I knew switching to the dog hormone body wash was a mistake. Anyway, that night, all three of us went out for a quick meal and inadvertantly wound up on the set of one of The Drizzle's movies, as we were surrounded by the attendees of the local junior high winter formal in the restaurant. I capped off that evening rather embarassingly, as EF made me tell her mother The Worst Joke In The World. (I've only told the Driz this one, and I won't repeat it here. What made telling this joke even more awful is that EF's mother works for children's services. Comedy!)

Sunday was another day in town killing time while EF worked. Sunday is also football day. So, I grabbed a spot at the bar of The Roxy Cafe and watched the Steelers/Bears game. (Alan Faneca fans everywhere!) I also proceeded to get lit up real proper-like, which made the rest of the day comedic as I tried to stay awake. What can I say, I got caught up in the drama of the dismantling of Baby Admiral and the Bears. That night, we had another very late dinner downtown and did not manage to get home until midnight. That's not too bad until you consider that I had to be awake at 4:30am to catch a 5:55am train in Connellsville.

Sadly, this train ride was not as uneventful as the first. We got there with about 20 minutes to go and waited. And waited. And waited. EF slept a little while I continued to play the waiting game. When 7am rolled around, I decided to find out what the heck was going on. So I fired up the laptop and went to the Amtrak site. A three hour and change delay. Well, that sucks. And now it's starting to snow/sleet some more. We decide to drive all the way back, though EF considered just getting a hotel room nearby just so we didn't have to go all the way back to her house. In retrospect, that would have been smarter, but I somehow reasoned with her that it would be better to go back home. So we went back, napped a little, then woke up to check the schedule. The train has lost another hour in transit, but could "make up time" between stations. Right. Still, we decide to leave a little early, just in case Amtrak manages to pull it off. Fast forward to when I actually board the train: almost 11:30am. Amazingly, we managed to lose another hour on the ride down, getting me home at 6:30pm, instead of the noon arrival I was hoping for. On the plus side, I did get to spend a few more hours with EF, so it wasn't that bad. All told, I had a really good time, despite not doing much outside of the house. Obviously, I'll be going back again. Next time, I will try to make it during a weekend where she has some time off and it's nicer outside.


PA Trip #2: Harrisburg

I made a return to the mighty Keystone state this past weekend, this time as a celebration of The Drizzle's XXXI-st birfday. The guilty parties on this trip were: me, CO, JW, and The Driz.

Things kicked off the night before, actually, with a pre-holiday gathering at Chez O, with Mr. and Mrs. CO hosting The Driz and me for a night of MST3K, gift giving, and fried chicken. Lots and lots of fried chicken. Strangely, Friday night seems to be fried chicken night down in Alexandria, as there was a substantial line inside the restaurant as well as in the drive through when The Driz and I tried to pick up vittles. But, we were undeterred and declared victory some twenty minutes later (having waited in line that long) and made our way to Los O's House of Love. The evening was quite nice, with much chicken consumed, much laughter, and a little bit of homespun comedy...

While flipping through channels, I made Mrs. O stop on the awful Mark Linn-Baker/Melanie Griffith vehicle, Twins. (Well, it's probably more a Sara Gilbert vehicle, but that's not as funny to say.) During the brutal scene, Mr. Linn-Baker makes a funny with "Toblerone" in the punchline. Toblerone, as it turns out, makes Mr. O laugh every time he hears the word. A minute later, Ms. Griffith is on the screen, and we start to debate her beauty (or lack thereof). I said something to the effect that she's "one facelift away from being Madame. This led Mr. O to declare that the name "Madame Toblerone" was comedy gold. We even defined who Madame Toblerone is: she's the woman in the bar/club who is clearly too old to be there.

The next day, The Driz picked me up at the King Street Metro station in the early afternoon, after which we picked up Mr. O, bag full of chicken in hand. We hit the road and basically nattered on about this and that, eating some of our leftovers on the way. We stopped for fueling of the auto and personal variety in Gettysburg. While we're sitting in the parking lot of Giant, I decide to fetch the soda I had in my bag in the trunk. Without thinking, I started to open it up, sending forth a nearly fatal spray of Dr. Pepper. Fortunately, I was able to tighten the cap on my drunk-ripened soda quick enough to avoid true catastrophe, and the bulk of the overflow went into my donut bag.

From there, we rolled out of Gettysburg to pick up JW, and finally reached the hotel in Harrisburg around 6:30. After some settling in, we make our way to the first stop of the night, Molly Branigan's. That's a nice little place, with decent food and an atmosphere very conducive to conversation and socializing. We had dinner and a couple of drinks before departing, catching up with JW, whom we had not seen since...well, honestly, I don't remember. But it was a loooong time ago.

From there, we hit The Hardware Bar, Harrisburg's finest tribute to Coyote Ugly. That was a good time. We got there before the place was packed and were able to secure a nice spot in the balcony. We hit it just in time to take full advantage of the happy hour, too. And take advantage we did. Beer after beer seemed to hit the table, leaving us nice and lubricated when the crappy cover band started playing. To amuse myself (and CO, to some extent), I began to make requests that the band would never play in a million years, like pieces by Coltrane, The Mahavishnu Orchestra, and Louis Armstrong. Additionally, I danced like a meth-addled lunatic and played terrific air guitar during their take on Guns 'N Roses. Oh, and before I forget, the Madame Toblerone of the evening made her way to our table to chat one of us up. I won't use names. Try to guess which one; I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Many hours and beers later, we left and went to The Saloon. Not much happened there, except this:



That's a mirrorful of ketchup right there, courtesy of CO. Because, what else are you going to do with a giant mirror and a squeeze bottle of ketchup in your hand.

After tiring of The Saloon, we moseyed across the street to The Spot (I think that's what it was called) to get some foodstuffs. On the way out of The Saloon, it should be noted, I grabbed a handful of peanuts and stuffed them in my pocket. JW also grabbed a handful, giving me some for my nut stash. For some reason known only by the beer demons and my own budding insanity, I started to talk loudly in the creepy, pedophilic old man from Family Guy voice. "I gots a pocket full of peanuts. Who wants some?" And, etc. This amused me and countless others, or so my memory would have me believe. I do think I alarmed a couple of people, and I'm sure the chef at the diner teabagged my hot dog, but that's life.

The next morning was typical after such a night, a tight, banged-up feeling. Now with 10% more headache! Fortuntely, this went away when we hit Hoss's on the way back. The rest of Sunday was spent watching football (Go Chargers! Legacy!) and trying to catch up on sleep.

A fine couple of weekends, I'd say. And more to come.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

So, have you seen that "Hamster Dance" site?

The latest in things on the internet that amuse me that has probably been amusing everybody else for months.

Friday, December 9, 2005

Two From PA



I took this after leaving the movie theater yesterday, using the camera phone. (I saw Aeon Flux, but fell asleep for about a half hour during the movies first half, missing some key plot points. Subsequently, I cannot tell you if it was good or not.) That's a real tree, but it looks oddly fake, due mostly to the quality of the camera, I'm sure.



This is an Antwan Randle-El onesie. Lordy. Though, I admit, I wouldn't mind dressing a future Little Vegas in a Marino onesie. I would have also taken a picture of a Dan Kreider jersey for CO, but I couldn't get a good shot of it with the camera. Foiled!

Thursday, December 8, 2005

World's First Musical Sammich

They have been working on this for decades; the first one killed Mama Cass.

Sunday, December 4, 2005

Quick Wrap Up

Friday: Worked until 9 at night (making it the second night in a row I had to do that), much to my chagrin. So enraging. Nearly put my head through my monitor at work. (Seriously) Especially difficult because I had plans for that evening (drinks with The Drizzle) to which I was looking forward. The Driz agreed to come into the city to pick me up so I wouldn't have to deal with the Metro ride down. When I got home, I discovered that the old (ooooold) laptop was not functioning properly. It was also making a horrible, horrible sound. To be dealt with later. I did manage to have many beers with The Driz while we played catch up. We also chatted up our usual waitress quite a bit that evening. Plus, I played text-message tag with "AF" from work.

Saturday: Laptop is completely dead. This was the backup to the computer that crapped out in September that I have been too lazy (and overwhelmed with work) to properly fix. So, I did something I was planning on doing eventually: I bought a new laptop. Now, I didn't go all out, because I am also going to be buying a rather high-end workstation very soon. (Within the next month; I have the cash, but I would rather put it off until after the holidays.) Buying the new laptop took up most of my day, what with running around the city, going to stores to see what was available and doing comparisons. Normally, I would have just done online, but, well, that one is self-explanatory. Irony! But, I'm really enjoying this new machine.

Sunday: Sloth. Video games. Laundry. And, of course, football. I can't believe the Dolphins pulled that out. Sage! Unfortunately, the Steelers lost a tough one to the Bengals. I usually wouldn't care, but because EF is a Steelers fan, I'm a bit obligated to not hate on them as much.

And speaking of EF, I wil be leaving on Wednesday to go see her. I'll be back next Monday. Not that I have been doing much blogging, but now there will be an excuse for no posts next week. But I shouldn't get ahead of myself. I still have Monday and Tuesday to reckon with. I'm hoping that my visible rage on Friday will buy me a bit of a break, but I doubt it.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Thank Deez
A Holiday Wish and Two New Letters

Just a brief message before I head out into the cold to make my way toward Big Lou's place, where I'll be gorging myself on all things traditional or Filipino. Recognize, bitches.

I'd like to take this opportunity, in the spirit of the holiday, to say a bit of thanks. I'll try to keep it as serious as possible. I hope you all appreciate the effort that takes.

Most importantly, I'm thankful for having my family close by and still going strong. I'm particularly thankful that my brother-in-law seems to be doing well after his second surgery. His recovery will be long and arduous, I'm sure, but he will recover.

I'm thankful for being employed. I'm not very enamored with my job (duh) or its increasing impact on my schedule, but I do appreciate the fact that I've got a steady income that is actually helping me accomplish things, slowly but surely.

I'm thankful for my friends. Whenever I get to that state where I'm wishing mass harm on everyone and everything within a 20 mile radius of me, I remember that there are actually some good and decent people out there, some with whom I've actually managed to become friends. Funny, supportive, inspiring, intelligent, and reliable, the lot of ya. I'd continue, but I've already compromised my reputation enough as it is. *pounds chest* Got ya'll in here.

I'm thankful for this blog bringing a couple of new people across my path, as well as helping keep a dear friend closer than geography permits. It will never land me a book deal, it will never be one of those hip blogs with a million bloggers linked to it, but this blog serves my purposes just fine.

And speaking of technology and friends, I'll wrap this up by saying I'm also thankful for EF, aka "My Boo." (tee-hee) Yes, I know. Who? Once again (some of you may remember MC), the internerd pays off. I hadn't mentioned anything previously because there wasn't much to say until recently. All I'll say is that things are very good, even though there is, as with everything it seems, an obstacle. But it hasn't been much of one so far. So I got that going for me, which is nice.

I'm sure I could rattle off a few more reasons to be thankful, but I'm keeping Big Lou waiting. Happy Thanksgiving, people. Stay safe, stay warm, and stay full.

-The Management

Thursday, November 17, 2005

On The Job

I'm still at work, which is pretty typical these days. Because it's been forever since I've blogged, I actually miss doing it, even though there were much larger gaps back in the day.

Same old story, of course: hours worked are too long, and when I get home, I don't feel like doing much of anything that requires my brain. Naturally, that means vidja games and pr0n (and the gym, when I'm home early enough), a winning combination. I have learned two important things from this: 1) Fable actually is overrated, but still a fun game. 2) Nick Manning's "I'm dropping loads" line is the most hilarious thing in adult film since Jonathan Morgan's heyday.

The holidays are approaching, which is nice, but I already feel like I don't have enough time for them. I'm going to be in town for Thanksgiving weekend (I'm having dinner at Big Lou's), so if anybody is around, I'm down for whatever. I should probably use that time a bit constructively, but you know me. I'll blow it all on penny whistles and moon pies. Or, better yet, maybe I'll actually watch my Netflix movies, which have a fine layer of dust on top of them.

A sports aside: can the Hawks be any shittier? It's outrageous. This is not a good year for my favorite professional sports franchises. Perhaps I should start learning myself some hockey. Ovechkin!

That's all.* My brain is starting to shut down, and I'd really just like to get out of here. And so I shall. Peace, god. One.





(*That's not really all, but other news is not blog-appropriate.)

Friday, November 4, 2005

Swiftian!

"Doesn't every girl deserve liberation through Web site branding of her sexuality?"

In a word: yes.

(This is why I stick with pr0n of the non-alt variety.)

Running Down

The days are starting to bleed into one another. Work has swallowed up my daylight, leaving me disoriented and having only enough energy to eat and get to and from work (and hit the gym, if I manage to get out of work early enough). From an unhappiness standpoint, it's not even close to the level reached just two months ago. It's just grinding.

Pile on top of that a couple of ailments the last two weeks (general sickness, plus a horrible backache) that have also neutered few attempts at enjoying life outside of work (missed concerts and happy hours), and it's enough to make me want to pull up stakes and blow out of town.

But, you know, I won't. Not yet, anyway. Right now, it's about handling my business and keeping focus on larger matters that go beyond work. It's also about getting my creative juices flowing again; worse than the way it wrecks my sleep and social schedules, this grind is completely obliterating any attempts at creativity.

In short, I need recharging. I think it's time to plot myself a little vacation. We'll see how that goes.

In the meantime, I've got a three day weekend to sit on. Concerned citizens should abandon all hope of contact for the next seventy-two hours. I'm deep cover.

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Everybody Loves Bob Pollard

I signed up (and failed...like a few of my friends) for NaNoWriMo last year. Honestly, if I had the means, I'd try this next month. I mean, how could something I put together in a month be any less legitimate than the entire Joanna Newsom discography? (Awww, I'm such a hater.)

***

South Side! Congratulations to the 2005 champions of Major League Baseball, the Chicago White Sox!

***

Now that this whole baseball nonsense is over, can we please concentrate on real sports? Jesus.

***

Go Hawks! Marvin Williams for Rookie of the Year!

***

Why Not Rosenfels? You know, that's what I've been saying all along.


In all seriousness...that was a truly excellent World Series. Any time the lesser Sox and the Yankees are at home with their thumbs up their asses instead of getting media reacharounds and worthless inches of newspaper ink is okay by me, but this was actually a great series, low ratings be damned. I don't really care about all of the "this is the way the game is supposed to be played" rhapsodizing that's happening, as it did when the Pats won the Super Bowl and the Spurs won the NBA championship, because I don't have as big a gripe with modern sports as most people do. However, I'll never have a problem when "underdogs" (which, if examined closely, really shouldn't be applied to the White Sox, since they went wire to wire) grab the spotlight.

***

Who's ready for some sweet Halloween action? This guy is. The champ is here, y'all...

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Today's Question

...comes from D. Vega$ in Washington, D.C. He writes, "Who the fuck is Cleo Lemon?"

(On the plus side, A.J. Feeley is finally a thing of the past. Again, I have to ask: Can we get The Ultimate Sage Rosenfels Experience on the field?)

Also: bro-in-law finally had his surgery. Everything seems to be right as rain. He'll have to undergo some radiation treatment, and it will likely take months to get back to "normal", but the worst seems to be behind him. Thank you, well wishers.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Thangs and stuff and stuff and thangs....and stuff

-I didn't mention this before, but my brother-in-law did not undergo surgery a couple of weeks ago. Not due to a miraculous recovery, but because they found something else. So they had to postpone so they could run more tests. Surgery will be taking place tomorrow (Tuesday, 10/18). I'm really feeling for my sister. I talked to her tonight and she sounded so tired, which I know she is, since she's juggling school and work and the kids and the looming spectre of her husband's surgery. But the sound of her voice just made me so sad. I think she's barely holding it together, but I know she will keep it together. She's tough like that.

-South Side! (Congrats to the White Sox and their loyal fans.)

-Can Sage Rosenfels get a start? I mean, c'mon.

-I'm a bit put off by the voice they're using for Huey in The Boondocks animated series coming to Adult Swim. I know he's a kid, but when I read the strips, I never hear a kid's voice. I always hear a late teens/early twenties voice, for some reason. I had the same problem when they made that awful Dilbert series. Wally is not supposed to sound like that. Unlike that series, however, I can see myself sticking it out with The Boondocks. I think McGruder's humor will translate to television much better than Adams' did.

-NBA season is almost here. I was going to say "Go Hawks!" as I'm enthusiastic about the team this year, especially with the additions of Joe Johnson, Marvin Williams, and Salim Stoudamire. But then I just read this. That's a shame. RIP, JC.

-Perverted leprechaun or luchador magnifico? When a decision like that needs to be made, you know it must be Halloween.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I can't believe that I'm just now finding this out:

RIP, Nipsy.

America has lost its one true poet laureate. As it turns out, October is the cruelest month.

(Not really. Yankees and Red Sox out of the playoffs? Christmas came early! I can only hope this triggers an end to the hordes of nouveau Sox fans. Now all that's left is for the Patriots to suffer the same demise.)

And because of the company I keep, and because Chicago is the shiznite (and because the A's were unable to seal the deal for the second straight year), I shall also pull for the White Sox. South Side!

Friday, October 7, 2005

You Call This A Comeback?

So...whassup?

This week has been a million thousand hundred lot better than last week. Many thanks go out to the people who contacted me with encouraging and supportive words. French pickles for the rest of you odiodores. (I keed.)

It's really been a nothing week, with the exception of last night, when I got together with The Drizzle for beers at Whitlow's. I got to catch up on all of the goings on with The Driz, have some really cheap beer, and make fun of les canards. As always, a good time was had. Otherwise, it's been work and sleep and media therapy. I'm rotating between Sid Meier's Pirates!, La Pucelle: Tactics, and Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves. (And yes, Dr. C, I look fetching in the 3D Raccoon glasses. But then, I look fetching in most anything, except for spandex. Now e'ybody has to deal with that picture. Ha!) The Sly game is lots of fun and, once I'm done, I think I will finally finish the piece I was writing on the series, which is one of my favorites. As for Pirates, I never played the original, so I cannot make any comparisons, but this one has delivered in the gameplay department, despite its repetitive nature. I usually have no interest in games of this kind, but it got its hooks into me. La Pucelle, I've played the least, but that has more to do with the other games than with its own qualities.

One funny thing re: work. Yesterday, as we do every week, my co-worker and I were collecting the money from the soda machines. So, as I'm opening the machine on the ninth floor, my buddy spots something on top of the machine and grabs it. It's a blue plastic bag from Capitol Video Sales, a local movie rental chain. Like most of your non-Blockbuster stores, Capitol Video has a "back room" for mature audiences. ("Everyone's hugging!") Immediately, I knew that there would be something of the pornographic variety in the bag. I was, of course, right. But it was more than expected. Inside was a magazine (Club), a vibrator (purple and bumpy), and the piece de resistance, a fake pussy! I forget after which porn star it was allegedly molded. We contemplated splitting the booty (tee-hee), but realized how disgusting that would be. Especially since a) there were pages missing from the magazine, meaning it was used and b) it was probably used at the same time as the vibrator and pseudo-snatch. (Aside: having typed that, I just had the George Carlin exclamation "Snatch-o-rama!" buzz through my brain.) So it became junk.

And that's been about it. Today was my bro-in-law's surgery, but I have not heard anything from the family yet.

One last word: good luck to Mrs. O as she runs the Portland Marathon this weekend.

Friday, September 30, 2005

Media Binge

Spent way too much money tonight, all on the usual suspects (games, movies, music). The highlight for me is the latest in the Sly Cooper series (PS2), Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves. (ES, as soon as I'm done, you can borrow it.) Also picked up the latest discs from a couple of today's hard-prog acts, Coheed & Cambria and Cave-In. Was inspired to grab the C&C after reading some recent reviews; I was already a fan of Cave-In. I should have picked up the latest from Opeth, then I would have had all my prog-nerd ducks in a row. People please, if you call yourself a friend, stop me if I ever reach for a Rush album in your presence.

Of salesmen,
DV$

Thursday, September 29, 2005

All The Rage

Little known fact: one of the things of which I'm most proud is my ability, brought on by "maturity", I suppose, to properly channel my anger. These days, I'm more apt to play at being enraged by something absurd (like Norm Chow's playcalling) than to be truly engulfed by blinding hatred for anything. The episodes of anger and the (occasional) accompanying violence have receded into the past, part of what I was, not who I am.

Well, mostly.

This week has topped last week in terms of colossal work-related shittiness. The high (low?) point was when I within two feet of being out of my job for good. I'd thrown my ID down on the assistant boss' office floor, told her I quit, grabbed my bag, and headed for the exit. Had she not asked me to please stop (and I'm not sure why I did) and I had made it out the door, my resolve would have carried me out of there forever. On the plus side, when I turned around, I was still engulfed with rage enough to (again) punch a wall. Congratulations to me, I finally drew blood. A nice visual for the movie I'll never produce: a seething employee, bloody-knuckled, sitting in his boss' office, while said boss impotently tries to calm things down.

Heh.

This week has re-opened many feelings I have not felt in years. It's like the old anger, the premium rage, has roared to the surface. I'm not sure I've had so many thoughts of intense destruction in my entire life as I have this week. I'm not really interested in causing people (other than myself, apparently) any physical harm, but I do really feel like taking chairs and throwing them through windows. Or maybe jacking one of the laundry trucks and driving it through the lobby entrance.

You know, I'm just saying.

I'm not proud of this, by the by, even though I'm sure it seems like it. It is what it is, and it will pass. In the meantime, I'll manage it without doing anybody harm. And my life, outside of the hours I spend at work, is good, if uneventful. I just need to restore some balance to it. And get a new fucking job. But that goes without saying, eh?

Consequently, I'm going to be laying low in terms of social activity for a while. I just need to withdraw a bit, so I can re-emerge (hopefully) energized.

In other news, my brother-in-law is having his surgery this coming week. If you've got any spare positive thoughts/vibes/paryers, please send them his way. He needs it, my sister needs it, their kids need it. So please, help a brutha out.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Two-fer Tuesday

Happy Anniversary, Los Os

and...

Happy Birthday, GC!

It's a celebration, bitches...

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Last Man Standing

Well, this week finished much better than it started. After a particularly foul week at work that pushed me to my limits of office supply-throwing rage, the weekend was a grand success.

Friday was the worst day, work-wise, and convinced me that going into work on Saturday was a sucker move. After work, I came home and relaxed a bit, then went shopping. Being a good little consumer always makes me feel better. One purchase was Sid Meier's Pirates, which is good, addictive fun. I can't say how it compares to the original, but I'm certainly enjoying it thoroughly right now.

I came home and popped in one of my Netflix movies, The Life Aquatic, which I enjoyed. Having made the decision to not go into work, I stayed up a lot longer than I expected, torn between thumb-jockeying on the PS2 and listening to new music, including the latest from The New Pornographers, Twin Cinema, which is excellent, if not as immediately catchy as Electric Version.

Saturday, I woke up early, finished Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow, the second installment in the fine series, then did some cleaning. Bathroom, vacuuming, and a lot of paper shredding. The place feels so different after a decent, if severely incomplete, cleaning. Since I woke up late, this all finished up sometime around 4:30, with no eating to speak of. Which is fine, since the first destination of the evening was Shula's Steakhouse. A shower and a trip to CVS later, I'm ready to head out the door to make the six o'clock reservations at the Don's.

I arrive at the restaurant, which is in the Wyndham City Center, and wait outside, assuming that, since I was almost a half-hour early, I had beaten The Entourage (that's JG and Los Os) there. So I waited around outside until it was nearly six, then decided that I'd just go inside, where, as it turns out, they were having drinks at the bar. Go me! I'm so smart. Within minutes, we are taken to our table in a room that is completely empty. Taking advantage of the situation, JG sounds off with a louder-than-expected "deez nutz!" That pretty much set the tone for the evening.

Dinner was, as it always is at Shula's, fantastic. Food details are, for the most part, boring, so I won't bog down this wee narrative with them. I will say that if you eat there, you simply must have the barbecue shrimp. It's shrimp, stuffed with basil, wrapped in bacon, and dipped in barbecue sauce. After dinner, we piled into The Os car and drove to The Black Cat, arriving around a quarter of nine. We positioned ourselves, as we always do, at the end of the Red Room bar, near the Backstage. And the drinking begins. I have to say, I felt ready to throw in the towel, as I was still in a beef coma. As it turns out, so was everybody else. Eventually, a couple more stools opened up and we could all sit. (To that point, Mr. O and I were standing.) Unfortunately, there were a couple of people dividing our group. Mrs. O and JG were in the corner talking, while Mr. O and I were sitting diagonally from them on the other side of the bar.

CO and I are talking and drinking when I suddenly get a tap on the shoulder. It's Jamy. With quick, across the bar greetings, followed soon by actual mingling, the energy starts to pick up. Also, by that point, I'm nearly out of the food coma. A short while later, ES and her boyfriend show up, and the group is pretty much complete. There was a possibility that a few more people would show up, but due to the work week, I wasn't able to coordinate any firm plans with them.

With our party all present and accounted for, I'm ready to do some quality drinking. And I am. But sooner than expected, the steak sweats have finally defeated Mr. O. Mrs. O and JG are waving the white flag, too. So they settle up and depart. While I do wish they could have stayed longer, I certainly know how they were feeling, and they did so much to make the day great already, I wasn't upset that they had to bail earlier than expected.

Now it's just me, Jamy, ES and James (her bf). We take over the corner and basically just chat and drink. ES, due to an illness, is not drinking (much...she does have on mixed drink and a shot). Jamy, after a couple of drinks and a short night of sleep, is fading fast. So really, it's James and I doing the drinking. Not unexpectedly, Jamy takes leave of the party, which is good. Because falling asleep is pretty dangerous in that corner. Like that one time I passed out, and I woke up with my pants...oh wait. Nevermind.

Jamy leaves, and shortly after, James takes ill and he leaves. So ES and I basically hold it down for probably another thirty or forty-five minutes, leaving sometime after midnight. She walked back to my spot with me, which served two purposes: it kept me entertained, and it also kept me from stopping at Yum's. Thank goodness for that girl. Though, it wouldn't have mattered, because Yum's didn't smell as delicious as it usually does at that time of night.

And that was that. Lots of friends, lots of steak, lots of beer. I couldn't ask for more on a birthday. It completely wiped clean the vitriol from the previous work week. Let's hope that the good vibes from the weekend carry into this week.

To everyone who came out, my deepest and sincerest thanks. You made it a great, great time. And for the well-wishers, I wish you could have been there.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Enraging. I had a double post, and for some reason, I could not delete the duplicate. So I've edited to the nonsense you're reading right now. Not much different than the nonsense before.

Listmania!
Or, Blogging Like The Lazy Git I Am

-Computer is still down. Because I've been working long crazy hours the last couple of weeks, I've got just enough energy to go to the gym or keep prior engagements. Consequently, no online shopping has been done.

-I spent two hours in the DMV on my day off last Friday. Enraging. Had the WMATA bus schedule not been filled with lies, I would have gotten home a good 45 minutes earlier than I did Thursday night, meaning I would have been up nearly an hour earlier on Friday morning. Who knows how long my wait would have been had I arrived at the DMV an hour earlier. Still, I did have a very nice afternoon with my friend KM, who I had not seen in almost exactly a year, despite the fact that she and her husband had returned to the area back in December.

-I went to see the family Friday night, as it was my birthday on Saturday. Good times all around, with the exception of the bad news I received re: my brother-in-law. Not going to go into the details here, but will say that it is operable and he should make a full recovery. Still, so close (relatively) on the heels of my sister's ABC, it's enough to be overwhelming, especially for their children.

-The ridiculousness of my job will not be ending for at least another week, and may require weekend work to catch up on a few things. It's too much (and too boring) to go into, but I will say that the pictures that the former assistant director here has on my boss simply must be compromising, or else he would never hire the two duds (one since departed) based on her recommendation. Their inability to grasp their work has sent this office backwards. It's just a bit infuriating.

-Wednesday night, I attended the FME show at The Black Cat. I really enjoyed the show, nearly as much as when I saw 2/3rds of FME playing there with the Peter Brotzmann Chicago Tentet back in May. I really wish this area got more shows like this.

-Last night, I met CO for beers and dinner, before joining in the Blogger Madness at Pharaoh's in Adam's Morgan. I definitely enjoyed the change of venue, even though it was dead except for the lively group of bloggers there. I basically talked to Jamy and CO, my usual brand of inanity amplified by the $1 drafts we downed before we got there. Met Velvet In Dupont when she briefly joined our table to talk to Jamy.

-This weekend, beyond possibly going into work on Saturday morning, will be the Birthday Celebration: Friends Edition. Saturday night will be dinner with The Entourage (haven't pulled that out in a while), then drinks and chicanery in the Red Room of The Black Cat. To you random visitors: feel free to stop by and buy me a drink. We'll be at the end of the bar near the Backstage. If you have any trouble identifying me, I'm the drunken asshole.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Well, It Started Off Well

This week started with so much promise. Sunday, spent a good part of the day with CO watching some terrible football. And by terrible, I mean comedic. Switching between the Redskins/Bears game and Steelers/Titans game afforded us ample opportunity to laugh at the inept offenses on display, the Steelers being the lone bright spot in a swirling sea of crappy gridiron madness. Punchouts to Norm Chow and Kyle "Baby Admiral" Orton all around. Then CO and I went to one of the local watering holes to catch the second game. We hung around until halftime, then bailed. The atmosphere was a bit lacking. Anyway, I had a good time, all told, especially with the Dolphins picking up an impressive win over the sorry, no account Broncos. After that game, Mr. O was kind enough to drive me all the way back into the city. That was kind of him.

So I gets home and switch on the computer monitor, ready to log back in for some hot PC action, when I see a screen telling me that the OS was not detected. Well shit. And now Windows won't load. After some helpful email correspondence from GC, a conclusion has been reached that I should replace my hard drive. So I've been using the shitty old laptop this week. Everything is barebones and serviceable, but it really sucks ass, not to put too fine a point on it. Hopefully, I'll be able to get this fixed sooner than later. And

Meanwhile, work has sucked. Today was another punch and throw random things kind of day. That place really turns me into Bob Knight, but not as funny. Fortunately, I'm taking Friday off, plus we're adding to staff, so things should be normalizing soon. Still, I could have ruined that office with my anger today.

Randomly: we have some celebs in-house for a USO event, Wayne Newton, John Elway, and Shaquille O'Neal being the big names. Naturally, I made many jokes about going to Shaq's room and trying to post him up. Now that would have been a real coup. Fuck Ronald McDonald, or whatever the Georgia Tech's center's name is. (I can't believe I forgot.)

Even more funny: someone, presumably another celeb, is checked in using "Tito Puente" as his name. No respect for the dead, I tells ya. I could have called up and given him what for, but that would have probably gotten me fired. Not that I would have cared much after the day I was having. Fortunately, the good times will be rolling soon and next week promises to be a very good one. Good to know that even after this shitty week, I can be optimistic. And I didn't have to hit one person with a brick. I must be mellowing in my old age.

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Go Buckeyes!

The Ohio State/Texas game is entering halftime, so it must be time to blog.

I don't know how that works, either.

Finished up a long work week yesterday, with my office in full short-staff mode. That means attitudes are less chipper, hours are a bit longer, and the inanity of what I do for a living is center stage in my thoughts. Surprisingly, I did not withdraw from the work-sponsored outing last night, which was a Nats/Braves game. To be perfectly honest, I'm not interested in hanging out with my co-workers, even the ones with which I am friendly and have a great working relationship. Nothing personal against them, but I hate the overlap between my job and my life and avoid these occurrences. However, after seeing the list of people who signed up for the Friday night game (the hotel also got tickets for this afternoon and tomorrow afternoon), I thought it could be some fun, so I went. Was it fun? Not particularly. It wasn't miserable by any stretch of the imagination, but it certainly did not qualify as fun. The baseball itself was quality, and the stadium had its usual share of eye candy, but it was mostly a forgettable experience. I spent most of the evening talking with a woman who used to work in my department and is really one of my first friends at the hotel. At the end of six, she and I decided to bail. It was interesting: the score was 6-3 (Braves) when we left our seats, 6-4 by the time we reached the stadium parking lot, and 8-6 (Nats) by the time we got out of the cab back at the hotel.

In the midst of all this beisbol, I worked the phone to set up post-game plans. These plans, as is the custom, involved meeting up with CO and JG for beers. So after grabbing my bag from the office, I was dropped off by my co-worker at the Gallery Place metro so I could grab a yellow line down to the Georgetown of Crackerdom: King Street. Bugsy's ahoy! It was a nice way to cap the night, as I finally was able to turn off my work brain and strap in for funny.

Today: woke up and went to Spring Mill Bread Co. in Bethesda, for to buy a couple of loaves of their Pesto Asiago bread. Best. Bread. Ever. After, I stopped in for a bite to eat at California Tortilla. It wasn't bad at all, despite its cheesy, "destined for a strip mall near you" appearance. From there, I brought the bread home, lazed a bit, then headed back out for a trip to Pentagon City, inspired by a coupon I had to use before it expired. Wound up picking up a few cds, including Sleater-Kinney's latest, The Woods. I have heard way too many good things about this album to continue putting it off. We'll see if I've been had soon enough. I also picked up the best of Mick Foley DVD collection, a new pair of shoes for work, and a game, La Pucelle Tactics, because I have been looking for a game in the vein of Final Fantasy Tactics forever and this, along with related title Disgaea, seems to fit the bill.

Now I am home, finishing up laundry and enjoying the second half of the OSU/Texas game. I'm feeling kind of antsy, to tell the truth. Maybe I'll head up to the Black Cat for a beer or two.

Tomorrow: some hot NFL action at Chez O.

Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Afro Samurai

Manga. TV Series. Movie. Video Game.

I know nothing about Afro Samurai beyond what this article is telling me, but am intrigued because of the man who will be co-producer of the animated mini-series and live-action feature film: Samuel L. Jackson.

"'Afro Samurai' is a visually striking and rich story." said Jeff Lujan, business director at Namco Hometek Inc. "With its gritty and unique mix of hip-hop and samurai styling, 'Afro Samurai' is perfectly suited for video games. We are looking forward to working with GDH in bringing this exciting new property to life."

"Afro Samurai" follows the story of one man’s journey of bloody hardship and pain. After witnessing the cold blooded murder of his father, Afro devotes himself to the path of revenge. He sheds no tears, knows no love and stops at nothing to achieve his goal. Forever chased by powerful enemies in a lawless technology-speckled dystopia, he evades bullets and blades to reach his final prey: a man who will not die...

I assume that The RZA will be involved in the soundtracks to all of these.

One of the best things about where I live right now is that I can walk to work. The morning walk is always a good one (unless it's raining), because it wakes me up and the "sights" in my neighborhood are always top notch.

Sometimes, I get treated to a little extra. For instance, this morning, at the intersection of 19th and Q, I saw a woman get run over by a delivery truck. Well, her foot was run over. You see, what ha' happened was, she was to the right of this truck as it was making a right turn. The truck driver did not see her. The next thing I heard was a loud crunch (that was her bicycle's front wheel, not her foot) and her screaming. Nothing terribly shrill, almost like what you might do if you stubbed your toe, but magnified 100 times. She wasn't a courier, so I was immediately on her side, especially since it seemed to take the driver (who did actually stop, instead of just going on his merry way) forever to hop out to find out what he did. And then he just sort of shrugged it off, saying "I didn't see her". Which is entirely possible, since she was pretty close to the truck and he was riding high. Still, show a little bit more concern, jackass.

At the same time, I kept asking myself, "why didn't she just jump off the bike?" This truck was not speeding, and neither was she. As a matter of fact, they were both going pretty slow, since he was taking his large vehicle into that rather tight turn and she was just hanging back to his right. It was as if she was playing chicken, seeing if the truck would stop and let her go straight. I'm sorry, but that's a fool's gamble in this town, and no bike is worth bodily harm, not even the old-timey ones with the big front wheel. (If she had been riding one of those, the driver surely would have seen her.)

I have no idea what the upshot of this accident was. She was calling someone (the police? her employer?) as I passed by her and the small group of well-meaning gawkers who had assembled. The only thing of which I am certain is that her bike's front tire is completely dead. Better it than her.

Sunday, September 4, 2005

Pardon me for a moment...

He's #2!

"The Ultimate Sage Rosenfels Experience" was named the back-up to recently named starter Gus Frerotte, dropping AJ "Waste of a #2 pick" Feeley to the third string. I know this is a bit like being named the most likely to be a mental patient, hillbilly, or chimpanzee, since none of these guys are exactly world-beaters, but I've always liked Sage, even when he was a Redskin. Sure, most of my enjoyment of Mr. Rosenfels is in part due to my always pulling for the Dolphins third-stringer, no matter how ridiculous (I pulled for Druckenmiller and McNown, too). But I do actually like what I've seen from him on the field. Nothing against Gus, but I hope that Sage gets a chance at being a starter at some point.

Blues, Beer, and Foulmouthery

Saturday, while Chief Justices were dying and Ralph Friedgen was mainlining bacon drippings, I did manage to make it to the DC Blues Festival out at the Carter Barron Amphitheatre. I got there in the middle of DeConstance's set. She has a tremendous voice, but did not have a band to match. The place was not even half-filled yet, so I got myself an excellent seat. After they finished up, there was a swift set change and then my main reason for being there took the stage: Candye Kane. Full disclosure: I am not that familiar with her music, having only heard a song or two before. (Though, I am quite familiar with her "early career".) I went because my friend, EMT, has testified to the greatness of a Candye Kane live performance and I had to see it for myself. And you know what? She was dead right. Even though she only had an hour to perform, and the show was not in an intimate club setting, Candye completely worked everyone in attendance. The description of her show as being like "a revival in an adult bookstore parking lot" is spot on. The set was funny, sassy and an all-around good time. And unlike DeConstance, her band was the equal to her singing. Unfortunately, I didn't see any merch for her at the tables, so I'll just have to buy online.

The original plan was to just see Candye, but after reading the bio of Sharrie Williams in the program, I decided to stick around for that, too. Once again, I made the right decision. Like Candye, Sharrie completely worked the crowd and had them eating out of the palm of her hands. The band was tight, too, kicking out some very good soul-blues jams. Definitely worth seeing again if she returns to the area.

I left after that, got home, and then got in touch with JG to make plans for the evening. The plan: let's go see The Aristocrats! We got CO into the fold and made an evening of it, starting and ending with beers at Harry's. The movie was, as expected, hilarious, so overloaded with great lines and images (Fred Willard, anyone?) that it would be ridiculous to try to get them all in here. Just go see it already.

After the movie, as mentioned just a few sentences back, we returned to Harry's and drank on into the night. Lots of fun was had, including wasting the film of some girl who asked me to take a picture of her group. (Unfortunately, she did not take the long way back to get her film, as I was prepared to take another quick shot of the boys, this time in full "deez nutz" mode.) What all was discussed, aside from the movie, is a bit fuzzy, though, I do know we spent a lot of time talking about what songs we'd like to perform karaoke style, including the three of us doing Snoop's "Signs", with CO as Justin Timberlake. Ha! Also, under the influence of beer and the movie, preliminary talk of doing open mic comedy was made, but that will have to wait until we've karaoked.

Today, I veg, after deciding against going to Hoss's. I know I'll regret it soon enough, but that sleep was solid. No complaints here.

Tomorrow, BBQ avec mein familia.

Apache Chief Chief Justice Rehnquist Dies at Home

And now it's time for the panicking hordes to get their freak on.



Once again, I know I'm late to this (we don't have any White Castles in this area). But really, the whole Burger King Chicken Fries thing simply cannot match this on any level. Coq Roq can go suck it. White Castle, fool! What?!

Kill Whitie

How did I miss this? Gee, what a surprise. A bunch of smirking white kids taking refuge in irony while appropriating a culture to which they've never contributed, outside of buying copies of 3 Feet High And Rising and The Low End Theory, which, by the way, are the only albums by non-white artists they own besides Bob Marley's Legend. Didn't hipster irony end when Pavement broke up? And, of course, it started in Williamsburg. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Fuck Williamsburg and their contemptible brand of hipsters. It's because of people like this that I have to constantly read about how great The Arcade Fire and Death Cab For Cutie are. (Hint: they suck.)

Another flier offers free admission to anyone with a bucket of fried chicken.

It's okay, we're being ironic.

"If you don't see it's funny," he said, "I can't help you."

Of course, Mr. Grubstein has "funny" on lock, so if you ain't feelin' it, he ain't tryin' to help ya. You bitches bettah recognize.

Saturday, September 3, 2005

Some Saturday Afternoon Absurdity



Local monkey evangelist Rev. Bonkers does a little faith healing.

Helper Monkeys! (Thanks to Dr. C for the find.)

Two bits from last night's drinking with The Drizzle:

"Ronald McDonald can't play no cover two!" (credit: Damian Vega$)

Carl Weathers/Colin Powell in '08! (credit: The Drizzle)

Personally, I'd like to see Hogan/Ventura in '08. A pres/veep tandem that comes to debates in feather boas? Hogan constantly referring to Russert as "Mean Gene"? The National Anthem changed to "Real American"? State of the Union addresses promos that end with "Whatcha gonna do, brother, when Hulkamania runs wild on you?" All pure (red and) gold.

Thursday, September 1, 2005

I Have No Idea What's Going On...

This week has been just shy of ridiculous. Massive sleep deprivation, two people leaving just before the end of the month (ridiculous when you've got to close the books and you were short-staffed already), going into work by 6 this morning, watching images of the whole spectrum of humanity dealing with Katrina. AND...my glasses STILL haven't come in. I know they said it could take up to two weeks, but I never thought it would actually take two weeks. Plus, it's already September! Where did this year go?

I've got nothing useful to add, as I'm even more scatterbrained than usual. I haven't been able to return emails, and I've only managed to watch one of my first three movies from Netflix (Napoleon Dynamite, finally). Saturday, I will be wading through a sea of blues fans as I go to see Candye Kane at The 17th DC Blues Festival. I would just go see her perform tomorrow night at the Chevy Chase Ballroom, but I think it's probably mandatory swing dancing and my skills fall just short. And, sadly, the Running Man is not considered an acceptable substitute. I lose again.

Or maybe I win. Viva lucha!

Monday, August 29, 2005

What if the South had won?

Spike Lee presents an alternative history: Confederate States of America: The Movie. (Warning: clicking this link might induce nervous laughter.)

Hip-hop mogul "Suge" Knight in intensive care after shooting.

I'm shocked.

But, despite that, I do hope that Suge pulls through. Rap doesn't need another death under its belt or a black eye. Has it been so long since "Self Destruction" and "All In The Same Gang"?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Let The Dark Side Water Your Lawn.

In the spirit of Khaaan!, but not as funny. I do like the turntablist rendition of the music, though.

Saturday, August 27, 2005



Happy Birthday, ML!

If I may make one request (I know, how selfish!): please replenish your minutes!

Thank you.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Scribblings

I'm getting new glasses. I've been putting it off forever it seems, but thanks to my nephew, I will be getting them next week some time. My eye exam is on Monday.

Speaking of said nephew, despite breaking my glasses, I will have him for the day Saturday. I have a feeling a lifetime banning from the National Zoo is on the horizon. Actually, he's a joy these days. The glasses thing, despite my initial overreaction, was an accident.

I know I've threatened this before, but a site redesign is in order. The all black is getting dull. (Yeah, it's the color, not the content. That's it.) I'm thinking of going with a theme, most likely lucha libre related. I wish I had started this sooner, I could have re-launched the site to coincide with SummerSlam, which will be in town this Sunday. Anyway, it will give me a chance to work on the skills I'm trying to build.

I missed the most recent DC Bloggers Meetup. I missed last month's also and really wanted to make this month's since I've heard good things about the new venue (Pharaoh's in Adams Morgan). Alas, with the boss on vacation, work has been a bit more busy than I anticipated. (Isn't this supposed to be my vacation, too?) Plus, that happened to be the day that I butted heads rather loudly with the assistant boss. Consequently, adding alcohol into my post-work mindset might not have had the most popular effect. Will have to try harder next month. CO, you should try to come along, too.

Games: Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves will be out in a month. Easily my most anticipated release this year. My only wish is that the difficulty level (and game length) has been increased for this installment in the visually beautiful, wonderfully written Sly Cooper series.

And kids, remember that Bell Biv Devoe had it right: never trust a big butt and a smile. As true today as when it was written.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Let's Start A Collection

...to get CO's name into a piece by Eggers.

Chocolate Philosophy
or, The Official Chocolate of Brad Goodman

So, someone brought in the miniature Dove Promises chocolates. I eat one, and the saying on the inside of the wrapper is: "Do what feels right."

I believe the good people of Dove have just given me carte blanche to run amok inside the hotel. Keep an eye on your local news, people.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Rrrrrrooooowwwrrrr!

I forgot one of the topics that came up when hanging out with CO last Saturday: Jada Pinkett-Smith on Ozzfest. Yeah, you read that correctly. See, she's got this band called Wicked Wisdom, and they are part of the lineup. You think parents just don't understand, wait until the guy in the corpsepaint and Burzum t-shirt accidentally stumbles upon their set. Strap in for funny!

Though, for comedy's sake, perhaps this will catch on. Perhaps next year's lineup could include:

Vicious Cycle: an all female power-metal group led by Glenn Close. All songs are about menstruation.

Demon of the Sea: Jessica Simpson rips it up Motorhead style. Sister Ashlee is designated stage-diver.

Satanic Malfunction: Janet Jackson and Ronnie James Dio join forces in this doom metal free-for-all. Dio wears less clothes than Janet. Justin Timberlake will be "sacrificed" at the end of each set.

Irrelevant Spectre: Roseanne doing Cookie Monster-style vocals? You bet your sweet ass! Last ditch attempt for signficance sees the former "domestic goddess" growl her way through At The Gates-inspired death metal.

Ahhh, to dream.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

"Blitzkrieg, The Hassidic Professional Wrestling Musical" Reopens at The Cutting Room

Road trip!

Humor test stolen from CO. I think that fact alone negates any results of this test.

The Idiot Savant, bitches.
(42% dark, 46% spontaneous, 52% vulgar)
your humor style:
VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT



You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on
the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you
are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most
likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'.

Nonsense. I don't even keep the soul saving forwards from my own mother. Why would I save some bullshit forward about someone else's dimwitted co-workers?


Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your
sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that
there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your
sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically
enough, that indicates you're smarter than most.


PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel
I believe I was just insulted. Fuck this test!



I like pictures.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 27% on dark
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 45% on spontaneous
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 72% on vulgar
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid



Beck laments already recording an album called Sea Change.

Tuesday, August 9, 2005

No More Ponies Or Cock-fights

Instead, we'll be talking about something truly revolting: ATM. Now, for those of you not familiar, ATM stands for...

Nah, I'm kidding.

Not much going on 'round these parts, which is why the blog has been a bit quiet. It's been mostly reading and music and arty little things. I did manage (as if it were that difficult) to get out with CO this past Saturday night for a few beers and conversation at Champps in Pentagon Row, topics including his recent trip to Philly, theories about JAG's (aka The Drizzle) hate on that fair city, music, pornography (as it relates to my recent reading of The Other Hollywood: The Uncensored Oral History of the Porn Film Industry), and other topics suitable for bon vivants such as ourselves. He also gifted me with this, which I will probably read as soon as the books on heavy metal get read. And before people go off and think we're both late to the game, I should inform you that his giving me that book is an inside joke.

Is anybody interested in going to see Sigur Ros in September?

This coming weekend, I believe I will be seeing my father, niece and nephew. That's always a good time, because being around people that short makes me feel like a giant. Plus, you know, they're good fun.

Let me just say this about that: Nat King Cole's "L-O-V-E" might be one of my favorite songs of all time. And to think, the first time I heard it was over the opening credits of Quick Change, a vastly underrated movie, with great appearances by a then unknown Tony Shalhoub, Bob Elliott, and Kurtwood "Red Forman" Smith. The crescendo at the end of the song really nails me just right.

Football season is here. Finally. Unfortunately, the Dolphins have picked up where they left off. But it's preseason, so I will not think much of this game. I'm being cautiously optimistic about this season, meaning I will not seriously use the phrase "72 Dolphins from here on out!" at all. While we're on sports, I' must confess that I was more offended than I probably should have been reading a recent article re: the Joe Johnson to Atlanta Hawks deal (which hasn't been completed yet), basically clowning Johnson for choosing Atlanta because they're so terrible. As true as that is, I still took exception to the article. I'm telling you, if Atlanta gets some sort of inside presence, they can be good. Van Johnson good. And soon, too.

Speaking of teams who are Van Johnson good: go A's! They've gone from worst to first in just a couple of months, like they always do. I really hope this is their year.

Monday, July 25, 2005



Cuddles the seeing-eye pony! (Thank you, JC, for this wonderful revelation.)

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Nerdily, He Spoke

So, I've been having a blast with the "new" computer. I got this back in the spring, but only set it up a few weeks ago because I didn't have a desk or enough space in my apartment until then. It was a barebones machine, with only the OS (Microsoft XP) loaded on it. This means no Office. I could have gone the bootleg route, but have instead tried the alternatives. So I'm surfing with Firefox, which I'm liking, and email is being done through Eudora. For productivity, I downloaded OpenOffice.org. I have not done too much with OOo, but I like it so far. I have also, here and there, started working on my portfolio, as I mentioned previously. It's fun just getting re-acquainted with the software (3DS Max, FYI), and I will be providing samples for criticism/mockery within the next few months. There are a few books being ordered in order to help with the process. Also, I am starting to futz around with Flash and the thoughts of doing an internet cartoon (perhaps bringing to life the Damian Vegas character designed by ML) have bubbled to the surface. Of course, the more immediate goal is just to get a firm grasp on the entire Macromedia Studio, skills that are bound to help me get a job doing something I find a bit more suitable to my personality/interests. In the end, I just hope that this all pays off like I believe it will.

Taking on Take Two

Well, it appears that Take Two knew all along about the "hidden" sexual scenes in Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. For those of you unaware of the situation, some mods began circulating some weeks back that revealed "explicit" sex scenes between the game's central character, CJ, and one of his girlfriends. When this news initially broke, Take Two said that the content was inserted into the game by hackers and is not in the original code. Today, they have backtracked, saying that the content was there, but unused. Consequently, the game has been given the consumer kiss-of-death: the "AO" (Adults Only) rating. Their failure to own up to this initially, while possibly having little impact in terms of consumer interest, is a small setback for an industry that continues to suffer under the mainstream notion that video games are child's play. Or, at least, the realm of adults with the emotional development of a child.

Take Two is correct in that the content is not part of the normal gameplay, and that only a third party modification can unlock it. So, concerned parents should be able to rest easy, unless their child has the technical capacity to find and install the mod. Of course, if it is indeed a child playing--and, in my opinion, they should not be, no matter how harmless you think games are, or how "mature" you assume your child is--responsible parents might want to consider monitoring their child while the game is on.

Where Take Two is wrong, beyond their attempt at covering their asses, is thinking this should have been part of the gameplay, period. The dating element that was added to this iteration of the GTA series works like this: you meet women (a total of six or seven, I believe) along the way and are given an option to date them. With the exception of one of the women, dating them is not a factor as far as moving the storyline along. The only "benefit" of the dating side-game is that you get bonus outfits unlocked (if you fill up the relationship status bar to 100%) and you get other bonuses, such as being able to keep all of your weapons after you die or are busted by the cops. Anyway, if you choose to start a relationship with a woman, you take them out on dates (involving either driving around, dancing, or going to dinner). After the date is over, you drop them off at home. If she had fun, you'll make plans to see each other again. If not, you'll get the blow off, though future dating is still an option. Eventually, if you string together enough fun "dates", you get invited in for "coffee". The camera then cuts to the outside of the girl's house, leaving the gamer nothing but the sounds of gettin' it on. The "hot coffee" mod actually takes you inside the bedroom.

As you can see, the completely optional dating element is lame and mostly worthless. I'm guessing it was added to appeal to sad Otakon rejects (okay, that was unnecessary, but fun to type!) and gamers who like a bit more Sims-style gameplay. Therefore, I see no reason to consider adding an explicit "visual" element to it. And I don't buy for a minute that they did not have enough time to go back and clean out this code. If they were serious about putting it into the game, they would have found out early on in the process what kind of rating they would have been hit with because of it. And that content, my friends, is a guaranteed "AO". Thus, what I think happened is that the scenes were "hidden" with the hopes of being found to generate press like this, or some Horny Net Geek (HNG) programmer decided to sneak it in for a laugh. Either way, Take Two looks bad for letting it happen and trying to cover it up. And the game industry gets (more) significant negative publicity, since this involves one of its most popular titles. While I am generally a fan of Take Two, I think they really dropped the ball on this one. Maybe they felt they didn't get enough media attention after they released Manhunt. (Of course, since graphic violence is far more acceptable in our society than graphic sex, Manhunt was never bound to be as controversial as anybody expected it to be. But that's another rant entirely.)

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Pulp Fiction in 30 Seconds.

And re-enacted by bunnies.

Enjoy.

Hang the DJ

So, last night I attended my first dance thing at The Black Cat. (My following the kidney thieves upstairs that one time does not count.) I went to Right Round with ES and friends, as we were celebrating E's entry into XXX-dom. (In non-inside joke speak, that means she turned 30.) It was a good time. I actually danced more than I drank, if you can b'lee dat. The music was hit or miss, but the evening ended with "Rock Lobster", so it can't be that bad. (Actually, that was supposed to be the last song, but then the DJ played another Violent Femmes song, so it wasn't the very end.) Fortunately, there was more danceworthy music than that played, with selections from Dee-lite, Blur, Pulp, the Go-Go's and others. Still, it's tough to go from something that is, you know, rhythmic, to something a bit more herky-jerky and new wave. But the big plus was that ES had a good time. The night was her's, after all.

Beyond that, very little to report. Have been working through The Other Hollywood when I have time and am almost finished with it. After that, I have three heavy metal books in the queue. I will probably write about those over at Musica Generica.

Must continue to re-aquaint myself with animating and get this portfolio built. Also, anybody have good book recommendations for Photoshop 7? Something aimed at the novice without it being too overly simplified is what I'm looking for. Suggestions (on the book) are appreciated.

Friday, July 15, 2005

As a huge fan, and because I haven't seen it mentioned elsewhere (I know I'm probably late, though): The Boondocks are coming to Adult Swim in the fall! What will be weird is hearing voices other than the ones I already use for the characters. For instance, I know Riley won't be as funny. But, good with the bad. Plus, it will have Uncle Ruckus! That will make it worthwhile alone.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Fucking, Austria!

Yeah, I got nothing. You can go about your business. Move along.

Tuesday, July 5, 2005

Fuck Irving Berlin

That is a quote from JG, said on the 4th of July. It was said in response to Mrs. O's criticism leveled at the people who couldn't remember the words to "God Bless America." But now I'm getting ahead of myself.

First, last week was ass, not to put too fine a point on it. Normal end of the month nonsense was made excruciating because of new additions to staff who are not quite up to speed yet. I anticipated this, though not to the extent of pain at which it actualized. Fortunately, that anticipation allowed me to put in for a couple of days off to be tacked onto this long weekend. It is helping.

Friday night, I made the trip down to Alexandria to hang out with Mr. O and JG. We hit one our usual spots, Bugsy's, and settled in for an evening of boozing and storytelling, the latter mostly done by Mr. O, recounting his recent trip to Las Vegas. It sounded like a blast and I look forward to going there myself some day.

Saturday was spent in the company of my mother and youngest sister out in Maryland (pronounced "Murrriland"). We did a lot of shopping and walking about in Annapolis, before going back to my mom's spot to watch a movie and relax. The movie, for those interested (and lord knows, why wouldn't you be?), the movie was Coach Carter. Or, as I like to call it, Lean On The Titans. I was just waiting for Sam-Jack to bust out a "if you're going to kill yourself, do it expeditiously!" That movie was a baseball bat away from outright theft.

Sunday was not much of anything. I spent much of that day transferring files from my old laptop to my "new" PC. I also got some new software installed on it, so everything is square as far as my starting to work on my portfolio. This, people, is a good thing.

Monday was the 4th. I woke up late (nice), did a little bit of nothing (also nice), got some food from the ghetto chinese place near me. Then I called JG and made arrangements to get down to his spot for the Independence Day celebration. You know, I love this town, I really do. But tourists are fucking it up. They'd be a lot more tolerable if they just observed one or two rules of etiquette. But that is never the case. Fortunately, I've already done the downtown 4th celebration a few times, so I have no further inclination to endure it in person. I did, however, endure it over the airwaves, getting a much better look at Barry Bostwick's mullet. Nice try, Barry, but bigger hair won't disguise the fact that you're starting to pack it on. Making the suffering even worse was a group that had the audacity to call itself The Beach Boys despite the fact that all of the talented ones are dead or insane. Mike Love needs to give it up. His voice was flat and just too worn down to return to its former glory. So, we wound up playing cards while merely listening to the performances, which was much better. We did make it a point to watch "The Singing Egg" Ronan Tynan. After the performance, The O's left, while I stayed behind a bit so I wouldn't have to endure the clogged arteries of the Metro system. We wound up watching a show on airline disasters that he had recorded on the DVR. After that, I made my way home without incident. We timed it very well.

Today has been free of activity with two exceptions: this morning, I got up "early" and went down to the Hirshhorn Museum to take in the Visual Music exhibit with Jamy, and after, I went to a bookstore and picked up The Other Hollywood: The Uncensored Oral History Of The Porn Film Industry. I haven't cracked it just yet, but it seems like it could be a decent read.

Back to the Visual Music exhibit, I really enjoyed it, particularly the works of the Whitney Brothers. I did have a problem isolating the works from their popular context, and I'm thinking a lot of people might have that same problem. For instance, something like John Whitney's Permutations is probably more recognizable as a screen saver on your computer, or a visualization on your media player. The light shows suffer from the same problem, as they immediately conjure similar associations, as well as the more popular psychedelic connection that we make with the images. These associations are distracting, but does not render the exhibit a failure. I would recommend it.

(As stated in the comments, this post was originally published in less than complete form. Now it is complete. It doesn't make much of a difference, but my lizard brain feels better having done it.)

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Art!

It occurred to me today that it has been a while since I've done the museum/gallery thing (with the exception of Gadsby's Tavern last week). Worse yet, I have not been to my favorite local institution, The Hirshhorn in an eternity. So I made my way to their virtual presence to see what's currently being shown and saw this. Fortunately, this just opened last week, so there is no need for me to do something insane like trying to endure the 4th of July tourist traffic in order to see it. I'm taking a couple of days off from work next week, so I think I might go then.

Also: The Music Center at Strathmore opened this past February and they have several intriguing shows coming. I'm tempted to buy a three show package from the "Mix It Up" series, but will wait until they officially announce the Sigur Ros gig, which is slated for September 11th. Other performances of note feature The David Grisman Quartet, The Derek Trucks Band, and Joshua Redman and the SF Jazz Collective. In addition, I might try to take my nephew and niece to the Backyard Theater for Children.

Monday, June 27, 2005

And in other news...

So, JC has discovered the joys of instant messenger. We wound up chatting for far too long on Thursday night. It was good to catch up, and I think we actually managed to work in more topics of conversation than we do on the phone. That girl can be downright wise, sometimes.

Well, I got gum comeuppance, as I wound up biting the inside of my mouth while chewing the stolen goods. It bled something fierce. Embarrasingly enough, this happened in close proximity to one of my attractive co-workers. Explaining why I yelled "Dammit!" was not exactly my smoothest moment. That was probably the highlight of my workday on Friday.

Later that evening, I had dinner with ES, in what has become our monthly play date of sorts. She came over and we played the shit out of God of War and Ratchet & Clank: Up Your Arsenal. (She played the former, I the latter.) A good time, as always.

Saturday was spent in the company of JG and his buddy RS. On the agenda was checking out the music festival that was taking place on King Street and hitting Hard Times for chili. Mission accomplished, at least on the latter. The music festival was bogus, and somehow, was even more offensive than I was expecting. It was one of those crowds where you know the only album they have by a black artist in their music collection is Bob Marley's Legend. Setting aside the sub-moronic crowd, which was filled with way too many dudes in sandals and fruity little seashell necklaces, the bands--at least the ones we had the misfortune of hearing--were playing uber-bland, semi-jammy music. It was just awful. Worst of all, though, was the fact that there as a band there called "The Funk Band" that looked about as funky as Dabney Coleman. And one of the bands broke the cardinal rule of having a white bongo player. (Maybe it was The Funk Band; my previous statement on their appearance was based upon the flyers that were hung up around King Street.) Buncha savages in that town.

Fortunately, the sea of idiocy was restricted to only a few blocks, which gave us plenty of King Street to explore, which we did. We even took a tour of Gadsby's Tavern, which was brief but interesting. We also made it down to the water, where we witnessed a horde of catfish frenzy over the bread that was being dropped into the water, much to the chagrin of the ducks circling nearby. It wasn't just regular bread, either. It was pita bread. As I said to JG later, of course Alexandria catfish eat pita bread. We finished up the festivities back at JG's spot, watching a movie (Anchorman again) before I decided to call it an evening shortly after 10 or so. I metroed back in, getting off a couple of stops early so I could hit Tower Records. I picked up Pelican's March Into The Sea EP and Boris' Akuma No Uta. Both rock most hard and are highly recommended, especially the Boris, which was different than what I'm used to hearing from them. This album is more of a hard psych platter, as opposed to their post-Melvins sludgefest with which I am mostly familiar. Definitely fierce.

Sunday has been, as usual, the day for laziness. Woke up late, watched Spider-Man 2 for the first time (I liked it a lot) and have done very little since. More tv and more food make Vega$ something something. Or, rather, makes Dr. Damian Pearle something something. Yes, for a brief moment on the Metro from Pentagon City to King Street, the Dr. Pearle myth started to take on a life of its own. Hilarious.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Petty Theft

So, the loud gum chewing came to a head yesterday, and my solution was to simply remove the source of the annoyance. I stole his gum. Not my finest moment, though I am taking perverse pleasure in chewing it right now. What makes it worse is that I actually switched areas last night, so now I'm far enough away that I wouldn't be able to hear it, even if he stuffed the whole pack in his mouth.

Maybe I'll sneak it back to his desk this afternoon.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Violence and a Big Gulp

So, I'm in line at the 7-11 a few minutes ago. There's one guy in front of me, paying for his goods, and a nice little line behind me. Some guy, who looked like he could be homeless, walks up to the guy in front of me and starts talking to him. At least, it looked like he was talking to him. I'm not exactly sure what he was doing. Then, one of the employees of the store came up to the guy and gestured toward his pocket. My guess is that he stole something. She grabs him and starts to push him toward the door, an act to which he took exception. He pushed her back, telling her not to touch him. She grabbed him again and kept pushing. This led to a brief heated exchange, followed by him throwing a punch. Now, at this point, I should have grabbed the guy. But I didn't, even as they both fell into a nearby display. I was stunned by inaction. Worse still, nobody else intervened. I cannot speak for them, but I have no idea why I did not step up. It wasn't fear. It was just...well, like I said, I don't know what it was. The whole thing happened so fast and it seemed completely unreal. Not an excuse obviously, and of course, my brain ran with the "what ifs". Like, what if this guy wasn't on the scrawny side and managed to throw the woman through the nearby window? What if the guy had just gone nuts and started turning on every one? Fortunately, the other employee, the one who was working the register, hopped over the counter and helped get the guy out of the store, pulling his shirt off (I guess recovering the stolen goods) while beating him with an empty crate. That part was comical. Still, I feel like a tool, and am curious as to how the other people who just stood there feel.

Big Lou Delivers

This weekend was about two things: disposal of some bulk items from my apartment and seeing the family.

Item the first: Woke up shortly after 6am (on a Saturday! Ye gods!) for to be ready when Big Lou showed up. The mission: to pick up a van in order to haul away some leftover bulk goods from the great apartment clearinghouse. We were to haul said goods to the Fort Totten Waste Transfer Station. Well, we get the van and load it up, taking all of 20-25 minutes, including drive time, doing so. We then snake our way through the city, using the ever-so-reliable Mapquest driving directions, to get out to the disposal facility. Surprisingly, at least to an urban dweller with no sense of waste management, there was a bit of a line to get into the facility. Well, we get up there and Big Lou hops out to go up to the office window and present his driver's license and the van's registration. When asked what kind of dwelling it comes from, he answers honestly. He is then told that they do not accept trash from apartment buildings. So he waves me over and I ask what's going on. She tells me the same thing. I tell her, no, according to the information I was given, you just don't pick up from apartment buildings. But, I am allowed to drop it off myself. She tells me I'm wrong. I tell her she is. She shows me some cheap, xeroxed copy of the "rules", but doesn't give me enough time to read through them, because I know that it only applies to pick ups. She also offers no alternatives. I then proceed to fly into a rage, using much colorful language. Had there been anything roughly the size of a garbage can or television within reaching distance, I would have gladly thrown it at her through the window, laws be damned. Instead, I stalk back to the van, still spitting obscenities, and we drive off.

Well now what? I can't take it back and put it in the garage of my building, or else I'll be fined. I can't just throw it in a dumpster. So we pull over to the side of the road so I can call my mother and have her jump on the internet and find a private disposal facility and/or hauler. My sister answers the phone and informs me that my mother is in the shower. I leave a message to call me back. Meanwhile, Big Lou, who is quite the agua consumer these days because of some stones he had, has to go to the bathroom. We pull over to the side of the road and he surreptitiously finds a spot to do his bidness. I am still in the van, boiling. After he finishes, he sees a truck behind us. He goes up to the truck and in minutes, we have two very helpful citizens (willie and Clyde), also on their way to the dump, willing to take all of our junk in for us. Sure, Big Lou greased their palms a little bit, but I was very grateful. Immediately, the rage left my system and I was able to enjoy the rest of my day. Even as the father of a thirty year old "adult", Big Lou has no problem coming through in the clutch. Now that's fatherhood.

Item the second: later that day, I had dinner with my entire family, except for one sister, who was working. It was ma, pa, my other sister, my brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew. Big Lou prepared a delicious feast of roast pork, stuffed shrimp in lumpia wrappers, lumpia, pansit, and one other dish that escapes me. It was a great family gathering, with no drama and lots of fun, especially with the kids. I had not seen my family in ages, it seemed, and I was so glad that I got this chance. Even though I spent nearly every weekend with them for a good two months in the spring, I found I missed them more than I anticipated. I got home late that night, too late to make it out with CO and company. I wound up killing the rest of the evening by finishing God of War (thanks, CO). That is a fantastic game and worthy of the praise it has received this year. Top notch in all categories, from art to music to gameplay. And now that I have the hookup, I should have both the new Splinter Cell as well as Jade Empire in my hands sometime this week. Though, if it's not too late, I might try to switch out Splinter Cell for Psychonauts, since I am still making my way through the early stages of the previous Splinter Cell installment.

So, all told, an excellent weekend, with one minor flare-up of undiluted rage. Considering the infrequency of such occurrences, I can live with that.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Time Snap

3:50pm - It seems that even on days without a boss, I manage not to be as slothful as I want to be. I was anticipating being able to keep a running commentary on the day, but as it turns out, I worked instead. And while this will assuage my guilt in terms of not making this job a complete sinecure, I'd still rather have done that.

In other news, we have an intern. "And now we make party!"

And yes, I still wish blinding violence upon the cud-chewing interloper. But, in lieu of criminal acts, I've just taken to mocking him. Ha ha ha...passive-aggressive.

Sincerely,
Peter Potamus

Delicious

11:03am - Bossless day, so that means extra roaming time. Today, we hit the buffet. Breakfast, fool! What?!