All The Rage

Little known fact: one of the things of which I'm most proud is my ability, brought on by "maturity", I suppose, to properly channel my anger. These days, I'm more apt to play at being enraged by something absurd (like Norm Chow's playcalling) than to be truly engulfed by blinding hatred for anything. The episodes of anger and the (occasional) accompanying violence have receded into the past, part of what I was, not who I am.

Well, mostly.

This week has topped last week in terms of colossal work-related shittiness. The high (low?) point was when I within two feet of being out of my job for good. I'd thrown my ID down on the assistant boss' office floor, told her I quit, grabbed my bag, and headed for the exit. Had she not asked me to please stop (and I'm not sure why I did) and I had made it out the door, my resolve would have carried me out of there forever. On the plus side, when I turned around, I was still engulfed with rage enough to (again) punch a wall. Congratulations to me, I finally drew blood. A nice visual for the movie I'll never produce: a seething employee, bloody-knuckled, sitting in his boss' office, while said boss impotently tries to calm things down.

Heh.

This week has re-opened many feelings I have not felt in years. It's like the old anger, the premium rage, has roared to the surface. I'm not sure I've had so many thoughts of intense destruction in my entire life as I have this week. I'm not really interested in causing people (other than myself, apparently) any physical harm, but I do really feel like taking chairs and throwing them through windows. Or maybe jacking one of the laundry trucks and driving it through the lobby entrance.

You know, I'm just saying.

I'm not proud of this, by the by, even though I'm sure it seems like it. It is what it is, and it will pass. In the meantime, I'll manage it without doing anybody harm. And my life, outside of the hours I spend at work, is good, if uneventful. I just need to restore some balance to it. And get a new fucking job. But that goes without saying, eh?

Consequently, I'm going to be laying low in terms of social activity for a while. I just need to withdraw a bit, so I can re-emerge (hopefully) energized.

In other news, my brother-in-law is having his surgery this coming week. If you've got any spare positive thoughts/vibes/paryers, please send them his way. He needs it, my sister needs it, their kids need it. So please, help a brutha out.