What if the South had won?

Spike Lee presents an alternative history: Confederate States of America: The Movie. (Warning: clicking this link might induce nervous laughter.)

Hip-hop mogul "Suge" Knight in intensive care after shooting.

I'm shocked.

But, despite that, I do hope that Suge pulls through. Rap doesn't need another death under its belt or a black eye. Has it been so long since "Self Destruction" and "All In The Same Gang"?

Let The Dark Side Water Your Lawn.

In the spirit of Khaaan!, but not as funny. I do like the turntablist rendition of the music, though.

Happy Birthday, ML!

If I may make one request (I know, how selfish!): please replenish your minutes!

Thank you.

Scribblings

I'm getting new glasses. I've been putting it off forever it seems, but thanks to my nephew, I will be getting them next week some time. My eye exam is on Monday.

Speaking of said nephew, despite breaking my glasses, I will have him for the day Saturday. I have a feeling a lifetime banning from the National Zoo is on the horizon. Actually, he's a joy these days. The glasses thing, despite my initial overreaction, was an accident.

I know I've threatened this before, but a site redesign is in order. The all black is getting dull. (Yeah, it's the color, not the content. That's it.) I'm thinking of going with a theme, most likely lucha libre related. I wish I had started this sooner, I could have re-launched the site to coincide with SummerSlam, which will be in town this Sunday. Anyway, it will give me a chance to work on the skills I'm trying to build.

I missed the most recent DC Bloggers Meetup. I missed last month's also and really wanted to make this month's since I've heard good things about the new venue (Pharaoh's in Adams Morgan). Alas, with the boss on vacation, work has been a bit more busy than I anticipated. (Isn't this supposed to be my vacation, too?) Plus, that happened to be the day that I butted heads rather loudly with the assistant boss. Consequently, adding alcohol into my post-work mindset might not have had the most popular effect. Will have to try harder next month. CO, you should try to come along, too.

Games: Sly 3: Honor Among Thieves will be out in a month. Easily my most anticipated release this year. My only wish is that the difficulty level (and game length) has been increased for this installment in the visually beautiful, wonderfully written Sly Cooper series.

And kids, remember that Bell Biv Devoe had it right: never trust a big butt and a smile. As true today as when it was written.

Let's Start A Collection

...to get CO's name into a piece by Eggers.

Chocolate Philosophy
or, The Official Chocolate of Brad Goodman

So, someone brought in the miniature Dove Promises chocolates. I eat one, and the saying on the inside of the wrapper is: "Do what feels right."

I believe the good people of Dove have just given me carte blanche to run amok inside the hotel. Keep an eye on your local news, people.

Rrrrrrooooowwwrrrr!

I forgot one of the topics that came up when hanging out with CO last Saturday: Jada Pinkett-Smith on Ozzfest. Yeah, you read that correctly. See, she's got this band called Wicked Wisdom, and they are part of the lineup. You think parents just don't understand, wait until the guy in the corpsepaint and Burzum t-shirt accidentally stumbles upon their set. Strap in for funny!

Though, for comedy's sake, perhaps this will catch on. Perhaps next year's lineup could include:

Vicious Cycle: an all female power-metal group led by Glenn Close. All songs are about menstruation.

Demon of the Sea: Jessica Simpson rips it up Motorhead style. Sister Ashlee is designated stage-diver.

Satanic Malfunction: Janet Jackson and Ronnie James Dio join forces in this doom metal free-for-all. Dio wears less clothes than Janet. Justin Timberlake will be "sacrificed" at the end of each set.

Irrelevant Spectre: Roseanne doing Cookie Monster-style vocals? You bet your sweet ass! Last ditch attempt for signficance sees the former "domestic goddess" growl her way through At The Gates-inspired death metal.

Ahhh, to dream.

"Blitzkrieg, The Hassidic Professional Wrestling Musical" Reopens at The Cutting Room

Road trip!

Humor test stolen from CO. I think that fact alone negates any results of this test.

The Idiot Savant, bitches. (42% dark, 46% spontaneous, 52% vulgar)

your humor style: VULGAR | SPONTANEOUS | LIGHT You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'. Nonsense. I don't even keep the soul saving forwards from my own mother. Why would I save some bullshit forward about someone else's dimwitted co-workers? Because it's so easily appreciated, and often wacky and physical, your sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. Most realize that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but paradoxically enough, that indicates you're smarter than most. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel I believe I was just insulted. Fuck this test!

I like pictures.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 27% on dark You scored higher than 45% on spontaneous You scored higher than 72% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Beck laments already recording an album called Sea Change.

No More Ponies Or Cock-fights

Instead, we'll be talking about something truly revolting: ATM. Now, for those of you not familiar, ATM stands for...

Nah, I'm kidding.

Not much going on 'round these parts, which is why the blog has been a bit quiet. It's been mostly reading and music and arty little things. I did manage (as if it were that difficult) to get out with CO this past Saturday night for a few beers and conversation at Champps in Pentagon Row, topics including his recent trip to Philly, theories about JAG's (aka The Drizzle) hate on that fair city, music, pornography (as it relates to my recent reading of The Other Hollywood: The Uncensored Oral History of the Porn Film Industry), and other topics suitable for bon vivants such as ourselves. He also gifted me with this, which I will probably read as soon as the books on heavy metal get read. And before people go off and think we're both late to the game, I should inform you that his giving me that book is an inside joke.

Is anybody interested in going to see Sigur Ros in September?

This coming weekend, I believe I will be seeing my father, niece and nephew. That's always a good time, because being around people that short makes me feel like a giant. Plus, you know, they're good fun.

Let me just say this about that: Nat King Cole's "L-O-V-E" might be one of my favorite songs of all time. And to think, the first time I heard it was over the opening credits of Quick Change, a vastly underrated movie, with great appearances by a then unknown Tony Shalhoub, Bob Elliott, and Kurtwood "Red Forman" Smith. The crescendo at the end of the song really nails me just right.

Football season is here. Finally. Unfortunately, the Dolphins have picked up where they left off. But it's preseason, so I will not think much of this game. I'm being cautiously optimistic about this season, meaning I will not seriously use the phrase "72 Dolphins from here on out!" at all. While we're on sports, I' must confess that I was more offended than I probably should have been reading a recent article re: the Joe Johnson to Atlanta Hawks deal (which hasn't been completed yet), basically clowning Johnson for choosing Atlanta because they're so terrible. As true as that is, I still took exception to the article. I'm telling you, if Atlanta gets some sort of inside presence, they can be good. Van Johnson good. And soon, too.

Speaking of teams who are Van Johnson good: go A's! They've gone from worst to first in just a couple of months, like they always do. I really hope this is their year.

Four dead in cockfight grenade attack.

What? You think I can top that?