Thursday, April 14, 2005

iPod One

Yeah, I'm sure this has been blogged to death. But I must make my own joke! Ahem...

I'm surprised there's no Geto Boys on the disc. I mean, besides being the second most hardcore act to come out of Texas (behind G-Dub himelf), who doesn't think of our esteemed leader when hearing the line, 'Back up in your ass with the Resurrection'?

Thank you. And if that joke has already been was obvious. I plead innocent to plagiarism.

The legislature of the State of Idaho is sweet.

WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

I really must see this movie. Hey, CO, wanna send me another one of them thar Netflix coupons?

Sunday, April 10, 2005


For you D.C. locals, please, go to your local Spring Mill Bread and taste the deliciousness. I recommend the asiago pesto. And if you're in the mood for one, get yourself an oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.

For you Netflix users, queue up this classic: Emperor of the North. I have not seen it, but this description has sold me on its merits. How can you not like a hobo-killing Ernest Borgnine, or Lee Marvin as "King of the Hobos"? Showdown!

And for even more funny, go pick up Home Movies: Season One. Worth owning just for "Director's Cut", featuring a "rock opera based on Franz Kafka". Don't worry, the rest is gold, too. And if you do it after Tuesday, go ahead and get yourself Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law Vol. 1.

Wednesday, April 6, 2005

Nashville: The Big Roundup

Well, the NCAA tournament is over, yet my recollection of our trip to see OPENING ROUND games is not. It seems my old nemesis Mr. Laziness has won this battle. But the war ain't over, bitch! I'll best you yet!


Anyway, not to drag this out, I shall put the remainder of this travelogue into haiku form.

Ronald McDonald
Big Aussie from Georgia Tech
Why do you suck so?

Okay, sorry, that was a giddy little hiccup. But I will make the rest brief because, well, it's old news. As a matter of fact, let's just jump to the big finish...

I leaned in and looked him straight in the eye and said, "I told you no bitchass Aussie can outdrink me." Then I pie-faced him off the stool. JG and I left about twenty minutes later. When we were, Schenscher was blowing chunks all over the freshly scooted boots that had come from the dance floor to watch us drink.

Sorry again. It's just that Luke Schenscher was kind of a running joke during our stay. Much like he is on the basketball court.

Day three: basketball free, so we got to sleep in a bit. First stop: The Ryman Auditorium, former (now only seasonal) home of the Grand Ole Opry. I was blown away by that place. It's very hard to articulate. The sense of musical history, knowing how many legends have crossed that stage, the intimacy of its gives it a realness that larger historically significant icons don't have. Rather than being overwhelmed by the myth, you feel like you're existing inside of it. Anyway, I really loved that place, especially all of the concert posters, courtesy of Batch Show Designs.

After the self-guided tour through the Ryman, we did a little shopping, as JG wanted to do the souvenir thing. We went into many a shop, picking through countrified trinkets and baubles. One quality find was a deck of Hank Williams Jr. playing cards. I also dug the Bocephus collector's plate. Sadly, I did not buy either. (JG picked up some cards.) The best stop for shopping was the Lawrence Record Shop, which is a heavenly gift for vinyl fetishists and record cover art collectors (CO, I'm looking at you). This is where I saw the Isaac Hayes cover where he's wearing the most ghastly Cosby sweater. Other comedy included some quality Tiny Tim covers and, of course, Kenny Roger's The Gambler. Tremendous.

After that, we got ourselves a little lunch. Naturally, since there was no live basketball happening in the city, all the people there (C-A-R-D-S-CARDS! Dammit!) for the games were in any bar that had a TV tuned to CBS. We thought we had ourselves a perfect place because one of the waitresses (walking in our direction) about to start her shift was sinfully hot and criminally underdressed...and she was in uniform. Caliente! But, once we got inside, that place was so jammed with the tragically ludicrous that we just walked right back out. Eventually, we settled into the bar right across the street from the Gaylord Center (name escapes me at the moment). This place really cemented my impression that the female bartenders and waitresses in Nashville are all smokin'. Had myself a pulled-pork pizza and watched Gonzaga shit the bed against Texas Tech. If they had managed to pull that out, that would have given me enough points to win my NCAA tourney pool and I would be a couple of Benjamins richer. Adam Morrison: go fuck yourself!

From there, we did some more store hopping, including a stop inside Ernest Tubb's Record. Not as cool as the Lawrence Record Shop, but good all the same. If I recall correctly, this was the last stop before we headed back to the hotel to drop off the various purchases from our excursion. We chilled a bit, then went back out to find a record store I found advertised on a sidewalk bench. We started making the trek, but realized it was really too far away. We turned back and went in search of a bar of some sort to catch the games and a beer or many. Packed. Packed. Packed. We went into a seafood restaurant/martini bar that had a television...not showing beer. So, that was one beer and check please! We went into an Irish pub next door that was just dead, except for clowns upstairs playing darts. While up there, I gave JG the heads up. Across the street, many young women, all wearing the same athletic apparel, were getting off of a bus and going into the place across the street. A decision!

The destination was the Wild Horse Saloon. Now, right away, we realize this is a HUGE tourist trap. It's basically a countrified Hard Rock Cafe...just down the street from the actual Hard Rock Cafe. Anyway, we go inside and take it up to the second floor. We grab a spot at the bar and let the night happen. I can sum the experience up as such: beers, basketball (including the double-OT shoot out between West Virginia and Wake Forest), line dancing (we only observed), another hot bartender, plenty of fly ladies, too many kids, me being a coward, unintentional insults, text-messaging, buffalo wings, belt buckles, and shirt-piping. The girls in red, by the way, were not the Louisville cheerleaders as we had hoped, but the Dayton softball team. Some actual lookers in their ranks. Good for them! Several hours later, we go back and crash, but not before a brief detour at Crossroads (the bar from the first night for those playing along) to scope out the adorable bartender that JG willed into existence. This time, he really outdid himself, as she was dancing on the bar when we walked in. Breathtaking. We did not stay long, as the place was really packed and it was getting late. All in all, a fine Saturday. Not as exploratory as it should have been, but hey, a good time is a good time.

Day 4 (Sunday): more live basketball. The games were both extremely entertaining, as Florida and douchey Matt Walsh had their asses handed to them by Villanova and Louisville sent the Big Aussie Clown and his posse on their merry way. Our pre-game meal was at Demos, where the food was, once again, "the bomb." That's in quotes, because our recently hired waitress (the exception that proves our previous hotness rule) used that phrase three times to describe menu items. After the games finished, we went back to Wild Horse for a couple of beers before the taps went dry for the evening. We shot a few games of pool before packing it in. Since we had to be up super early the next day, we just went back to the hotel. And that's it for Sunday.

The Drive Home (Monday): We hit the road at exactly 6am. I slept for much more of this drive than I did the drive down, I think. Not much to really report, as the drive was mostly uneventful. The only thing to note is that JG has an uncanny ability to find Pizza Hut lunch buffets, as he did in SW Virginia. The town name is escaping me now...Marion, I think. A most impressive skill. And delicious, too! Our timing was perfect, as it did not start to fill with the lunch rush until we got there. Some hours later, I was sitting on a Metro train taking me back into the city. All in all, it was a great trip. Not as particularly bawdy as I/we might have hoped, but nothing bad can be said about the experience. I really like the city and look forward to going back, which will be this summer with any luck.

And that, my friends, is all I have to say about that.