The Edge of Hip: Vice, the Brand

Found this ludicrous article over at Carl's blog. If I cared enough, I'd have a headache. All I can muster for this is a faint desire to kick someone in the nuts.

First off, here is my opinion of the clowns behind this magazine, their defenders, and their loyal readership (provided by one Henry Rollins, from his book Get In The Van):

"So many of those punkers have nothing to do with the music. It's all just a pose. They give us shit about the music we play, but they're more into their makeup than any music. I can't take them seriously."

Which is why I don't really feel like getting into a scathing rant about this nonsense, because I can't take them seriously. A bunch of upper-class kids rockin' John Deere hats and swilling shitty, third-rate beer. Didn't someone tell them that irony is dead? Jesus. Maybe Vice will hip them to that little nugget in a later issue.

However, just because I don't want lay into the whole article, that doesn't mean I won't comment on a few precious moments. For example:

"For middle-class kids just out of university and living in Williamsburg," he said, "the closest thing right now to bad-ass culture is blue-collar culture, so you have hipsters play-acting blue collar. Instead of saying, `I'm a PlayStation-reared, e-mailing-all-the-time Friendster loser,' they're getting lots of tattoos and drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon and listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs."

Yeah, except neither of the aesthetics described are badass, even in comparison to the other. The kids who are playing blue-collar dressup are probably bigger pussies. At least the pasty Friendster nerds have the guts to walk among the citizenry, making their lower-rung status known to all who would kick their ass. These hipsters are maneuvering about with shitty urban camouflage. I wish some real blue-collar guys would beat the holy hell out of a few of them. Make them earn that uniform.

"That is pure undiluted magazine genius," said Andy Pemberton, the editor of Blender, an indie music magazine. "The rest of the magazine I find really hit or miss, but everyone loves that thing. I've been to parties downtown where the page will be stuck up on the lavatory wall."

Well there you go. If you want proof-positive that Vice is worthless, look no further than that. Because if there is a magazine worth even less than Vice, it's Blender.

Many Vice readers defend the magazine's brand of political incorrectness, including some women. "If you think Vice is misogynistic, then you are a self-centered white woman," said Sarah Silverman, a comedian (and Jimmy Kimmel's girlfriend). "Because Vice is so much more. It harshly makes fun of men, women, all races, nerds, hipsters, the elderly, the short, the tall, the fashionable, the hopeless. It's without boundaries, which is what makes the playing field even."

Hey! Sarah Silverman likes it! I've changed my mind. Fuck beans. You know, I'd still soil Sarah Silverman if given the chance, but her opinion is suspect, and that's putting it fucking midly. (Hey, can I write for Vice now?) It's predicated upon the notion that harshly making fun of all people, irrespective of group status, is worthwhile. In small bursts, it's hilarious. I'll concede that. Even in large bursts (Don Rickles anybody?), it can still be hilarious. But you want to know the biggest difference between Rickles and Vice? There isn't a trace of irony or smug satisfaction in Rickles' routine. The man owns a mirror. He knows he's not "all that" (I'm sure the Vice readership still uses that antiquated phrase, ironically or otherwise). Vice, by contrast, airs their bile from a perch of superiority. Of knowing. Because hipsters, by defintion, are the only ones "in the know." Therefore, their "criticism" moves from satire to condescension. Who in their right mind would waste their time reading that? Fuck. If you're so goddamn hip, go to your local shitty "lounge" and be smug and ironic and make fun of people there. Oh, that's right. Because the people who are dumb enough to pick Vice up aren't witty enough themselves to come up with bon mots like that.

Might the current hipster backlash imperil Vice's dreams of expansion? Mr. Lanham said hipsters are still reading the magazine, but "they're just stuffing it under their seat covers."

And this is the most offensive line in the whole sh'bang. Does this clown actually believe Vice is so incendiary and controversial? Shit, Playboy doesn't even get stuffed under seat covers any more. I'm sure I'm taking that line too literally (I'm not hip enough to embrace irony any more), but still. It's a shitty third-rate mag that caters to shitty third-rate people. People who are on, to borrow a line from Lester Bangs (via Almost Famous), "their long journey to the middle." That is, just the kind of people who will be on the other side of the poseur condescension in a few years, no doubt.

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In other news, I picked up six CDs for $21 today from Kemp Mill. For readers of my music blog, you know I hit Kemp Mill a while ago, scoring eight for about $60. (At least I think I wrote about it there. ) You can go there now to see what I bought (I don't feel like posting it twice.

I also picked up an application for the Y (as in YMCA). Going to fill it out and drop it off tomorrow. Been wanting to do that for a while, and now that they have the "no initiation fee" thing going on, I'm going to go for it.

Also got my hairs cut tonight. Had the sides and the back trimmed, with just a smidge off the top. (For those who like the newer, longer hair, fear not; it really was just a smidge.)

Continuing in this mundane vein, I'm also digging the sudden change in the weather that's in the area today. Very cool. Sweater weather. And to celebrate, I'm currently wearing my brand new hoodie to keep me warm. New haircut + new hoodie = sexy beast. It's true!

That's all. Now bugger off.