Yesterday, I posted that bad things could possibly be happening, and as a result, I�m feeling uber-anxious. Since then, I have been feeling tremendously guilty, and here�s why.

The woman I love is having problems. She�s hit a point of total mental exhaustion and she doesn�t know what it is. I, being the self-involved potato lump that I am, naturally assumed that it must be something I did. Now, part of this is my perpetual state of cynicism and self-criticism. If something is wrong, it must be my fault, right? Another part of it (as witnessed by the preceding post) is self-preservation. If I expect the worst, then I can be as mentally prepared as possible when/if it finally happens. The third part, the part that I should really be putting my energy behind but am not, is concern about Melinda and wanting to help her. Now, part of the reason I�m not more active in this pursuit is that she doesn�t even know what it is that is bothering her, and we�ve agreed that I should just leave her alone until she�s had time to decompress. Now, this I did sorta grudgingly, and it is part of the reason I�m loading up on anxiety. But I told myself that I would do anything it took to make her feel better, even if I knew I�d be restless until her problems had a name (even if that name is my own). Of course, it hasn�t worked out that way at all. Instead of putting as much positive energy into thoughts of my baby getting better, I�m turning myself into a worked up emotional black hole.

Well, no more. Even if it is impending doom on the horizon, I shouldn�t care, because the immediate (and known) concern is Melinda.

I love you, baby. I don�t even know if you�ll read this, but if you do, know that I�m thinking about you, and hope that you�ll be back to the energetic, life-loving person you are. Even if that means�well�you know.