Hail Riverbottom!

Do real bands even rock like this any more?

Move Over, DJ Kaiser Wilhelm

Almost forgot.

New Character Alert: Hunter Green, Husky Male Model.

List-A-Moo!

I will now, for the sake of brevity, run down the last couple of weeks in CO-approved bullet form.

-A couple of Saturdays ago, I made it to the Dada exhibit avec ES, MC (a co-worker) and JS (her fiancee). It was a good time. I need to go back, as I rushed through a couple of parts in order to avoid getting swept up in the tidal wave of a tour that was happening at the time. Two things unrelated to the exhibit that came about because of the exhibit: 1) "Tits are Dada." and 2) "Hand me a black magic marker." (Which is code for "check out that rack!")

-EF came down and stayed from last Wednesday until yesterday morning. It's great when I get to see her for such an extended stay; but it's all the worse when she leaves again.

-One of my sisters (D1) celebrated her 28th birthday last week (and thus begins the intense string of birthdays; there are now nine more to celebrate between now and the end of May), with a family gathering happening this past Saturday. A good time was had by all, and my nephew and niece were fun and well-behaved. This was funny:

Me (holding my niece): C'mon, let's go find mommy and daddy.
Niece: And don't forget your wife!
Me (laughing): She's not my wife, she's my girlfriend.

-My niece kept calling EF by a different name, which I encouraged.

-The NCAA tournament started. My brackets are completely destroyed, and the only way I get any money this year is if I steal the pot. However, I did get EF hooked on the Madness, so much so that she filled out her own brackets. Yes, fools, she's doing better than I. She had f'n Bradley in the Sweet 16!

-If anybody were to visit my spot now, she would be amazed. Amazed, I tell you! There was a legitimate marathon cleaning session. I just need to jettison some more junk (after pitching nine 30-gal. bags of stuff) and get some more furniture. When I eventually move (slightly delayed as some other considerations are now in the picture), it will be much easier. In the meantime, why not make the current situation as nice as possible?

-Speaking of new furniture, do you think this is too much?

-Unfortunately, between getting stuff done around my spot, visiting with the family, and doing stuff with EF, I did not get a chance to hook up with Los Os and their visitor, SR.

And coming this weekend: Harrisburg!

Brought on by a discussion with a co-worker w/r/t the delicious Bonobo (see article posted below), I present to you the Monkey Tastiness Index (MTI):

Bonobos - Most tasty and most versatile. Bonobo en brochette will be the hit of any party.

Marmosets - The caviar of monkeys, especially pygmy marmosets. An acquired taste for sure.

Titis - best monkey to use for a tartare (titi tartare!)

Mandrill - The monkey equivalent of a juicy t-bone. If you finish an entire adult, you eat for free!

Woolly Monkeys - ideal for any sort of wrapped dish, like burritos or enchiladas.

Tamarins - Excellent in Asian dishes. You have not lived until you've had wasabi tamarin.

Colobus Monkeys - The least distinct tasting. Good for monkeyloafs.

Howler Monkeys - Perfect for barbecuing, ideally if you go the Kansas City style route.

Macaques - Tastes like chicken.

Capuchins - Used for many a sausage. Capuchinwurst is a fun alternative for your next Oktoberfest celebration.

Proboscis Monkeys - The snout is rumored to be an aphrodisiac. The rest of the monkey is average and is often served deep fried.

Spider Monkeys - A great substitute meat for southern cuisine. A pulled spider monkey sandwich and fried green tomatoes are good eating.

Squirrel Monkeys - Best served as summer camp mystery meat or in monkey scrapple.

Another Dead Celebrity

(I don't have much else for you lately, so why not?)

Gordon Parks, known to most as the director of Shaft, has passed away. RIP, Mr. Parks.

Presenting: The Muppet Matrix

Some inspired casting, there.

RIP - Kirby Puckett

That's really sad. One of my favorite players from that era.

Roethlisblogger!

Hippie Chimps Fast Disappearing As Dinner

Sad story, hilarious headline.

The animals are known for greeting rival groups with genital handshakes and sensual body rubs.

Amen.

He Never Said That

As far as breakfast goes, you could do a lot worse than Caramel Nips. -C. Everett Koop

Outrageous.

Masha Lopatova, a former Russian pop star who has been married to the Jazz forward for nearly six years, understands the temptation NBA players are faced with as they travel around the country for seven months a year. And she believes that forbidding something only makes it more tempting. That's why, she revealed in a story in the current issue of ESPN The Magazine, she allows Kirilenko an "allowance" of one night per year with another woman.

She allows him forbidden fruit once a year, then snatches it away from him just like that. That's positively evil.

And Another

Happy Birthday, Jamy!

Don Knotts, TV's Lovable Nerd, Dies at 81

RIP, Mr. Limpet. You truly were incredible.

Sports Roundup!

What's this I hear about Joe Montana's wife being indicted for betting on sports while winning a gold medal in the dunk contest by jumping over Spud Webb?

Stay tuned to this spot next month for another DVX Sports Roundup!

Okay, fine.

The cable modem issue did, in fact, resolve itself. Like, an hour or so before the tech was supposed to show up.

I'll never question tech support again. Well, unless they fuck up royally.

Announcement

I'm without internet on the homefront until sometime early Saturday*. Consequently, I will not be able to reply to any emails that are sent after business hours. (Which, for me, is usually after 6 or 6:30pm.)

All other lines of communication are open, savages.

*"Unless the problem resolves itself." I love tech support.

Another Year, Ya Lucky Bastard

Grand and happy birthday wishes to Dr. C. Enjoy yourself!

-Archbishop Vega$

I Love You, Egg

Go here, please. Then click on the "Egg Song" in the upper right corner.

That is all.

When the blogging slows down to a trickle, there's really no point in trying to fill in all the gaps between posts. Trying to remember it all is often pointless (for me, anyway, since years of sleep deprivation has fried my memory) and it is even worse when there is little to report. I'm going through the latter.

Not entirely true, of course. I went north last Wednesday afternoon to spend a nice long weekend with EF, coming back by train today. I could let rip with a bilious rant about Amtrak, but I'm already over it. That thing is never on time when making the return trip (going north is always on time or close to it), and not only is it late, but it's late by hours and hours. It's a good thing I was able to sleep through most of it, or I would have been seething.

The trip was nice and relaxing, as long weekends tend to be. Highlights include:

-Exchanging Valentine's gifts on my first night there.

-Spending quality time with EF and her mother.

-EF and I going into Pittsburgh a couple of times so that I could indulge my record store addiction. We hit Eide's Entertainment and Dave's Music Mine, where I went on a nice little buying binge like I haven't done in quite a while. I picked up The Essential Fishbone and two Prince discs from the latter (Come and The Love Symbol album, or "O(+>" as it is shown on iTunes), while grabbing Zatokrev's self-titled disc, SunnO)))'s Black One, Destroy Erase Improve by Meshuggah, Torture Killer's Swarm, and a tribute to the Melvins called We Reach, which features a number of metal's bigger names (Isis, The Dillinger Escape Plan, Mastodon, High On Fire, Pig Destroyer, etc.) at Eide's. I hope to hit Brave New World the next time I go to visit. I'm ripping all of the into the iPod as I type this. If I manage to find a spark for writing any time soon, more about this music and much more could be found on my music blog.

-Had a great dinner with EF, her cousin and his wife at DeNunzio's in Latrobe.

-Meeting up with a couple of friends of theirs after dinner for drinks at a private club near where EF lives. $0.80 drafts! Cheap booze on all levels.

-Brief text fun with The Driz on Saturday afternoon.

-Getting EF hooked on Guitar Hero (on the few times we were in the house long enough to actually sit down and veg).

And that's about it. Now I'm home, wishing I was still up in PA, and not at all wanting to go to work tomorrow. Same as always, eh?

Inane, Sexist Question Inspired By The Olympics

Do female hockey players get in as many fights as their male counterparts? And if so, is it as hilarious as I imagine it?

Thank you, Torino!