MTV.com - News -Jam Master Jay, Run-DMC DJ, Killed In Shooting

I find this incredibly sad. I'm not really much to mourn the passing of a celebrity, but I am moved by this. Probably because Run-DMC really got me into hip hop, and I've always had a special place in my memories for their music. His contributions, along with his bandmates, helped push hip hop into the mainstream. And while many who have followed in their wake have sullied hip hop's good name with their ignorant thuggishness and deplorable materialism, I for one will never forget who helped get it there.

RIP Jay.

nibblechomp

So, when I get bored--you'd be surprised at how often that happens to me--I sometimes look up people I know to see where they pop up on the internet. Tonight, I decided to look for Liz and came across this nifty site. The concept is fabuloso. A foodie blog for foodies and non-foodies alike. It's so wonderful to see people be passionate about food in such down-to-earth and eloquent terms.

Okay, more web surfing. Who will I look for next?

More people should be listening to Janis Ian.

I'm sure many of you by now have heard the "new" Nirvana song, "You Know You're Right." Accompanying such a momentous event has been a lot of unnecessary analysis, trying to place it within the context of the rest of Nirvana's body of work. One article I read even quoted somebody as saying it was one of their ten best songs. As it turns out, that little bit of information has taken on the weight of fact with some people, as a forum I post in regularly has had a few members post similar sentiments. Now, I'm all for difference of opinion, but having heard the song myself, I have to say: are you fucking kidding me? Let me state right away that I think it's a good song--a very good song. But top ten? Have you people even heard anything else by Nirvana? My first impression of the song was that it was just okay, that it sounded too close to Bush doing their best Nirvana impersonation. But I kept listening to it, and eventually, was hooked. It's got a great hook leading into the one word chorus ("pain" stretched out into many syllables; not Kurt's finest writing) and, in the end, definitely worthy of being in the Nirvana canon. Top ten? Not even. Here are 10 songs off the top of my head that are better:

1. About A Girl
2. Aneurysm
3. Blew
4. Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle
5. Heart Shaped Box
6. Lithium
7. Milk It
8. Radio Friendly Unit Shifter
9. School
10. Smells Like Teen Spirit

Hello, and welcome from Washington, D.C., where pumping gas is now considered risky behavior. I'm your host, Damian Vegas, and so far, I'm bullet free.

I know, levity at a time like this, right? Well, unless you're in the D.C. area, you can't really talk. You probably don't walk 25 minutes to work every day, wondering if some lunatic is going to move his operations into the city. You don't embark on that same 25 minutes again at the end of the day, eyes darting around like some crack addict looking for a forgotten rock on the ground, wondering if the odd looking fellow in that white van over there is perhaps going to kill tonight, or maybe even now. So you'll excuse me if I try to break the tension for a minute with a joke or two.

Admittedly, I feel a bit safer being in the city, since trying to elude the police and avoid detection in downtown traffic is a losing gambit. Still, perhaps this guy is a step away from going into complete mental oblivion, where he will just come into town and start blowing people away without a care in the world about being caught. So, until he's apprehended, I will remain uneasy, if not outright spooked.

In other news...you know what really irks me? People who act as if the music they grew up with is untouchable. Like they are the only influences on music there will ever be. Naturally, it's people that are the same age as the groups they worship, who think that because they were around when that particular era broke, that everything else MUST pale in comparison. Meanwhile, they're blasting "Frankenstein." Fuck those clowns. And they usually compound their ignorance by bemoaning the sad state of "today's music." Well, if I only listened to the 5% of music that radio and television allows you to hear, I may say the same thing. Fortunately for me, I'm not lazy (when it comes to music, anyway), and I go out and find the good stuff.

And speaking of that good stuff, I've got 2 cds coming my way, both by the awesome Japanese freakout collective, Acid Mothers Temple. The first is the recently release Electric Heavyland, available from Canada's own Alien8 Recordings. The other is In C, which you can find over at Squealer Music. Hopefully, I'll get both in the next week or so. I'm very excited.

That's all for now. INUKSHUK!

Oh, one more thing: Rachael is now my current fave Camwhore. To quote Seinfeld, "They're real, and they're spectacular!" *swoon* Sadly, she lives in Michigan, which makes her my sworn enemy.

(And if you're wondering, no, I still haven't signed up to be a member. Still don't want to be that guy.)

Two days later, he wrote again.

Hi there, kids! It's time for Damian Vegas to uncloak and give you the 4-1-1!

Ugh...I couldn't even maintain that bit for more than two sentences. I need new material. Perhaps I can steal from Gastrolater #3. Yes, it finally came in the mail from the 'zine author herself, Miss Liz T. I haven't started it yet, but plan on getting around to reading it faster than I did G2. And I'm sure it will be just as good, if not better. If anybody reads this blog, I heartily endorse this product. If you are interested, e-mail me, and I'll let her know. I think the price is $5, or some such. It's well worth it. She's got great design skills, plus she's one of those hyper-literate types, so naturally it's well-written. And, if that wasn't enough to sell you, I also get mentioned twice in the travelogue. Huzzah! What more could you ask for, you greedy bastards?!

What else is in the news...oh yeah, another sniper victim. That brings the death count up to 7. And to think, in a conversation with my friend Monica a month or so ago, I lamented the fact that there weren't any high-profile serial killers these days. You know, like your Ed Geins or your Ted Bundys. Not that I want people to be killed (well, not most people), but since I find them fascinating, in a kinda morbid/scholarly sort of way, it seemed like it had been too long since we had one that was national newsworthy. I wish I hadn't said it.

Now, off to Blisstonia.

Hello, hello. I had a random person take the girlfriend quiz (link is on the left, fool!), so I figured I'd do something web-related, to justify my existence for the day.

And what a world I exist in! It's psychic death at work, which carries over to my home life, leaving with me just enough energy to turn on my television. Then, as I stare at the screen (assuming I don't have "Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law" playing or have my PS2 turned on), I am inundated with images of death in my nice little town. You see, it seems some clown has taken it upon himself to go around playing sniper and killing random people. Granted, his little killing spree is just outside my periphery (I'm in downtown D.C.), but how long before he decides to wander further into the district?

I wasn't afraid of another terrorist attack or anthrax poisoning (because I figured the government, after letting a couple slip past the goalie, would be on total lockdown), and I don't really fear West Nile, even though a couple of people have died in the area. But I am a little bit scared by this. It's so random. I walk 20 minutes to work every morning, and 20 minutes back at night, and it feels like the longest walk now. My eyes are darting around, and whenever I have to stop because of traffic, I feel myself kinda pacing in my little area, as if that would save me. It's really rather frightening. A faceless killer always is. I can't believe this clown has intruded upon my bathos so.

My niece turns one this Saturday. I'll be going to her birthday at Chuck E. Cheese. Between going there for goofy fun with my friend Mark and going with my nephew and niece, I've been to Chuck E. Cheese more as an adult than I did as a kid. And that includes trips to Showbiz Pizza Palace, which we had more of than Chuck E. Cheese where I grew up.

What else you ask? Nothing, really. Almost finished with Final Fantasy X, and have started (barely) Kingdom Hearts. I think I will try conquering Medal of Honor next. Mmmmmmmmm....nerdly.

C'est tout.

Hello people. My birthday has come and gone, and only my family members bought me items from my wishlist. You filthy bastards! What the hell is wrong with you?! The wishlist is there for a reason, people. To make me happy! Buy me things, or I swear I'll track you down and have you all beaten if I don't start getting more action here.

Anyway, the birthday was great. I went to Shula's Steakhouse the weekend before with the Entourage. (I don't think I've discussed "The Entourage" before on here; perhaps another time.) It was a terrific meal and a great surprise, and it boosted my spirits more than just about anything has recently. I did not join the 48 oz. Club, however. Dare to dream, I say!

The weekend after the birthday, I went home to visit family. I got cake and gifts and plenty of time to play with my niece and nephew. I felt so good after that stay. I always feel good after coming home, I really should do it more often. I'll be home soon enough, as my niece will be celebrating her first birthday in a few weeks. She's more adorable every time I see her. *insert sigh here*

One last birthday related note: I got great gifts from my friend Monica. A couple of them were actually supposed to be for my birthday last year, but because she's been kinda crippled and lazy (and in L.A. at the time), she never sent them. She drew the first ever Damian Vegas comic and also picked me up a tape by Hulk Hogan and Wrestling Boot Band. And for this year, she burned me a great CD. Just tremendous. Thanks, Monica!

In less significant news, I just finished Max Payne and have started Final Fantasy X. On deck: Devil May Cry, Medal of Honor: Frontline, and on its way, Kingdom Hearts. An unholy union between Squaresoft and Disney? Sure, why not?!

Lastly, I've been stopping by Cam Whores more recently after a significant lack of interest for a while. New ("new") favorite is Haru.

Musically, I have picked up the Butthole Surfers' "lost album" Humpty Dumpty LSD and have 2 cds coming in: Yo La Tengo's The Sounds of the Sound of Science and The Bombshelter DJs (Radar and Z-Trip) Live at the Future Primitive. Can't wait to get them. The BHS album is great, btw. Fans of the band who actually enjoy Hairway to Steven or Locust Abortion Technician (or more to the point, who knew the band existed before "Pepper") would do well to pick it up.

And I'm spent. 'Night!

Well, it's been a few weeks, and the most significant event to occur (here comes duh) is the one year anniversary of September 11th. I can't say I was any more reflective yesterday than I usually am. As a matter of fact, I think i semi-consciously tried to avoid thinking too much about it. But, of course, I could only hold out for so long. Starting with prime-time TV last night and the slew of 9/11 programming, I got sucked right back into it. And most surprisingly, the impact from seeing all of those images again were still as powerful a year later. I suppose thinking a year would somehow dilute the memories was a bit naive; not that I didn't want to be effected by it, but a year is a long time for somebody--especially somebody who didn't personally lose someone to the attacks--to regroup emotionally. It just seemed natural that I wouldn't be as moved by this tragedy as I had been then. I was wrong.

In less somber news, I fixed my PS2, so I've been playing the shit out of Max Payne, which I picked up to celebrate my success. I <3 Rockstar Games. I cannot WAIT until Grand Theft Auto: Vice City is released. (And if anybody would like to be generous and reserve/buy me a copy--as seen on my Wishlist!--feel free to do so. [End shill.]

Speaking of birthdays, Happy Birthday to Monica! Hope you have a great one, you damn cripple! For any random people reading this blog, go visit her site and sign her guestbook. She likes that. Make her day! And tell her who referred you!

And now, I sleep.

Hey! I just did my very own Amazon.com wish list. Click on it to buy me stuff! Act now, my birthday is in just over 3 weeks. (September 17th to be exact.) Sure, I don't get naked or perform anything else for the things on my wishlist. But if you've read this blog, you know that I need something to go my way. (Ha!) So take pity on this old soul (I'll be 28! *gasp*) and buy me something. (Caution: most items on the list are big ticket items. I figure, why wish for stuff that I could buy myself?)

More blog therapy...

So yesterday, in another fit of unedited catharsis, I did something I didn't think I could ever do. I won't say what it was, but I regret it already. I honestly believe I did the right thing, but the short-term consequences are hurting me a lot more than I expected. No matter how much you get used to something, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with. At least, that's how it is with me, anyway. But this is as much of who I am as my eye color or shoe size. Whenever I get something inside me, I have to get it out, no matter the backlash I may face or emotional turmoil I may be subjecting myself to. I think the aspect of my personality that I've wielded to get cheap laughs--that is, my ability to say without fear pretty much anything, no matter how ludicrous or how much of a lie it might be--has surfaced in other areas, making it impossible to have any kind of dialogue where I don't put everything on the table before the cards are even dealt. If I had some sort of internal editing mechanism, instead of embracing a "pure id" persona, I'd be much better about not leaving myself open. Of course, there is an irony afoot, as in this particular case, I've left myself open, but I'm not getting ANY response. I think I'd be a lot less upset if I knew what exactly was going on with all parties involved. Of course, I guess I should have gotten the whole story before leaping into emotional oblivion. But, that's pure id for you.

The Love Calculator

This is an oldie, but in a fit of nostalgia (and while searching for answers from any source), I came across it again. Slightly less bogus than the biorhythm stuff you find on the web. Why? Because I said so.

The good news, of the celebs that I matched myself with, Natalie Portman was my closest match. Yes! I wonder if this is legally binding in court. (Ha!)

The bad news? Of all the people I actually know whose names I fed into this, my best match was the last person I needed a close match with. Stranger still, it wasn't even close. At least 50% higher than anybody else. Stupid site! You go squish now!

Hey kids, what time is it?

Right now, it's 4:30 am, and I am in a semi-groggy state, having fallen asleep on my floor only to be woken up by the sound of Astronaut Jones (god bless Tracey Morgan) on the late rerun of Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Sadly, my half-awake state was throttled into complete submission to consciousness when The Strokes came out and played. Feh. Every time I hear them, I still can't believe the hype they received. Short-term memory is a disease that has tainted too much musical criticism these days. Oh well. I'm too tired to get into this debate right now.

And now, Access Hollywood is going on about Ashanti being snubbed by some misanthropic 'net fans who thinks she doesn't deserve the award she's up for. My kingdom for a sledgehammer. Damn.

Bed. Need bed. Will I do it? Nahhhhhhhhh....

Borderline Personality Disorder:

A person who suffers from this disorder has labile interpersonal relationships characterized by instability. This pattern of interacting with others has persisted for years and is usually closely related to the person's self-image and early social interactions. The pattern is present in a variety of settings (e.g., not just at work or home) and often is accompanied by a similar lability (fluctuating back and forth, sometimes in a quick manner) in a person's affect, or feelings. Relationships and the person's affect may often be characterized as being shallow. A person with this disorder may also exhibit impulsive behaviors and exhibit a majority of the following symptoms:

frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self

impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating)

recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)

chronic feelings of emptiness

inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms

Ahhhhh...this is more like it. That post every three days shit was not me. A couple of weeks between posts is more like it. Sadly, I have not been filling that time productively. I did spend two weekends with my father, who was visiting from California, so that was fun. Especially since one of the weekends involved being with my entire family (mother, father, sisters, brother-in-law, nephew and niece), which is always good for piece of mind.

Other than that, I can't report much. Have some more drama, but I refuse to put it into words (mostly because there are some things I just don't like to put into words, but also because I'm not sure what I would say, anyway). Have had less work-related stress, which helps, but I'm still feeling out of sorts. I've been trying to diagnose what I might have, and the closest thing I can come up with is Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't think that's it, but it's close. I should probably seek therapy, but hey, life's no fun without taking a chance, right?

What else? Hmmmmmm...well, yesterday, I picked up the new Neko Case album and have been listening to it pretty much non-stop. It's an amazing disc, with Ms. Case being backed by Giant Sand. Mmmmm....that's good music! I'd find a link to a track to download, but dammit if I'm not lazy. Besides, everyone out there seems to be stealing music these days, so I'm sure you can get it yourself. I recommend "Runnin' Out of Fools," where Neko nearly matches Aretha (who did the song in the early 60s) on vocals. Strangely enough, this is one of only 3 records I've ever bought based on hearing it being played in a store, the other two being Velvet Underground's VU ("Ocean" pulled me in) and, I'm not making this up, Aretha Franklin's I Never Loved A Man The Way I Love You.

And...that's about it. Feh.

Going to try to be a little less intense than I have been in my last two posts. All the same things are still bothering me, sure, but why prattle on about them?

Of course, that leaves me with absolutely nothing to talk about. I could write a bunch of random sentiments in an attempt to be witty and irreverant, but I don't even have the miscellaneous debris rattling around in me nogging to act on that notion.

Here's a random thought: Dave Chappelle is always the best guest on Conan O'Brien. Hands down. The only person who comes close (and very close, I'll concede) is Scott Thompson. If they put out a DVD of all the Conan appearances by those two (and they could fill out the rest of the DVD with all of the Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, "Bill Clinton" and maybe even the Martha Stewart appearances; Conan's show is the only place I've seen her not act like a total psycho), I would definitely by it. And hey! Just heard on Conan that Dave Chappelle is getting his own show on Comedy Central. Jackpot!

Another stray thought: for the first time in seven years, I'm going to miss Sonic Youth when they play in the D.C. area. I am seriously saddened by this turn of events. They play tomorrow night (technically tonight) at the 9:30 with Erase Errata and Mary Timony (*swoon*). With my luck, this will wind up being their last tour or something. At least they would be doing it on a high note. Murray Street totally fucking rocks.

Okay, one last thing, then I'm headed for bed. I know she's a bit of a ditz, and a gold-digger, and not very talented in any way, but I really, REALLY think the harshness in criticism of Anna Nicole Smith in the press and just about everywhere has been unfair. Particularly since most of it centers not around her lameass show but mostly around the size of her body. So she's put on some weight; big fucking deal. I still think she's gorgeous. Perhaps as dumb as a post, but I don't think she's lost anything in the looks department. If the majority of the comments were about the inanity of the show, or how vapid she appears to be, I'd have less of a problem. But most of the criticism is just people taking potshots at her because she's "fat" now. Feh! Idiots, the lot of them.

(Fun fact! The first Playboy magazine I ever bought featured Anna Nicole Smith! Perhaps my affection for her is also tinged with sentimentality.)

Charlie Daniels sitting in with the Max Weinberg Seven on Conan! Huzzah!

Bonne nuit.

Hey look! An update to this ridiculous blog within three days of the previous post! Huzzah!

I just wanted to use this space, at this time, to express this sentiment: falling out of love is one of the hardest things an attention monkey like myself can do. I've realized that I have an affliction commonly attributed to women (not entirely unfairly), and that affliction is the belief that I am incomplete somehow without a woman in my life. This really doesn't surprise me; ever since my first serious relationship, I've found that some way or another, I have moved from woman to woman just to fill the void. And it's not always romantic; it simply requires somebody I can care about that cares about me as well. And I've gone through ridiculous lengths and done ridiculous things to keep from being alone.

So while this is not really a revelation for me, what is kinda surprising is how it never gets any easier. I'm not proud at all to be cursed with this, but what can I do? I'm just....*counts on fingers*....one man.

Jesus tap-dancing Christ! What the fuck is wrong with me?!

Actually, the question is rhetorical. I know what is wrong with me. It's what the French call le depression. I think that's what they call it. Does it even matter? They're french! Feh!

Anyway, yeah, I'm finally caving into that fashionable web trend of whining about my life right here on the web. In my defense, this is about the only place I can talk candidly about what's going on without getting perplexed or worried looks. Why am I even prefacing my remarks? Who fucking reads this thing? (Okay, I can name 2 people who do, but they already know all of this--on some level, anyway--so it won't be news to them if they choose to swing by the blog.)

So, back to my point (see? there it goes...), I have, for some time now, been battling with depression, which in the last month has taken a turn for the worst. Not in the dire, get him on the hotline way...I'm much too queasy to do anything violent to myself or others, even if I do think about it. Anyway, it's been very crippling, and I'm not sure how to get past it. I am becoming incredibly lethargic (which is dangerous for someone who is already pathologically lazy) and have no interest in seeking solace in the world outside of my apartment. I've cut off my friends, who for a while now have been used to not seeing me as much because of financial reasons. So it's convenient to have that worked out ahead of time, so I don't have to deal with explaining to friends why I don't want to go out with them. This also has the added "benefit" of me not having to talk about my depression. I know that sounds puzzling, as everybody says that talking about it with someone--anyone--will help. And if I could afford it, I probably would consider therapy (even though I remain largely skeptical about how effective that would be for me. (I emphasize me to point out that I do believe therapy is effective, but only for the right people. Anyway...getting off that tangent...I don't like talking about it because I don't really have (m)any friends who have an experience dealing with this, and quite frankly, I have no interest in talking about my problems with people who can offer me nothing in terms of credible counsel. So...I suffer. I have been able to alleviate some of it by talking to my mother (who also suffers from depression) this past weekend. But even that (which eventually included a trip to see her and my niece and nephew) proved a temporary relief, mostly because I hate burdening my mother and worrying her (and she was very worried, as she's never really seen me this way) and I felt guilty, even though I know I shouldn't because I know she wants to help.

So ends my harrowing tale of sadness and lethargy. I probably will delete this entry in a day or two. But, I felt it necessary to type this out, probably for the small, therapeutic benefits of getting this out in the "open."

~fin~